


We Drifted to Survive

by themaggiezine



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Almost Drowning, Alternate Universe - Mermaid, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Human Catra (She-Ra), Mermaid Adora (She-Ra), Mutual Pining, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:02:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24124825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themaggiezine/pseuds/themaggiezine
Summary: Catra remembers spending vacations in the sleepy seaside town of Brightmoon as a child. She doesn’t mention it very often, because people want to know about all the niche, small town beach adventures she must’ve had, and, honestly, she doesn’t actually remember very much.  Granted, how much of that is because of actual memory loss and how much is just because she didn’t like thinking about it was up for debate.----In which Catra returns to Brightmoon after a decade in an attempt to gain closure on a chapter of her life she wishes she could  throw away only to be forced to confront her own repressed trauma, uncover two conspiracies, and deal with the still lingering feelings for her childhood best friend.(A Mermaid AU that was supposed to be a one-shot and ended up getting away from me)
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 121
Kudos: 359
Collections: Shera





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Mentions of past child abuse, panic attacks, and almost drowning.
> 
> Thanks to ChatteZi for offering to beta for me!

Catra remembers spending vacations in the sleepy seaside town of Brightmoon as a child. She doesn’t mention it very often, because people want to know about all the niche, small town beach adventures she must’ve had, and, honestly, she doesn’t actually remember very much. Granted, how much of that is because of actual memory loss and how much is just because she didn’t like thinking about it was up for debate.

The engine of her motorcycle softened to a purr as she pulled up into the driveway. Her parent’s cabin stared back at her from behind the low fence. It looked like it’d seen better days. Not surprising, considering the last time it had regular inhabitants was a decade ago. The natural coastal grasses and shrubs grew plentiful, high, and wild, nearly obscuring the porch and completely demolishing the foot path that led up to the door. The ocean wind had done a good job stripping much of the paint from the cabin’s outside. When Catra squinted, she could see cracks in the window panes. Did the local kids ride by and throw rocks or something? As she got closer, she got a better look at the spiderwebs decorating the corners and railings and had to shudder thinking about how much more was probably inside.

She could still leave, she reasoned with herself as she cut the engine and pulled her helmet off. She didn’t even want to come in the first place. Already she felt the fingers of anxiety and irritation crawling across her skin like the ten thousand bugs that undoubtedly laid claim inside. But, she didn’t just spend six hours driving up here to go right back home with nothing.

 _Bzzt_.

Catra readjusted the bandana she’d tied around her brow as she glanced at her phone before shaking out her helmet matted hair with a roll of her eyes.

Entrapta was a natural chatterbox when it came to texting so she wasn’t surprised at all seeing the thirty texts of varying lengths asking questions and offering what the grad student considered to be neat bits of trivia about the area.

Definitely not reading those right now.

Scorpia preferred voice memos, what with her prosthetics and all, and Catra could see there were already ten of them waiting for attention since she gave an update two hours ago at a rest stop.

Better throw both of them a bone before they keep flooding her phone.

_Just parked. I’m about to go in so I’ll update y’all later. Looks pretty gross._

Now that she was actually next to the yard, she could see the stone footpath was still there, if a bit hidden under the swaying grass. _Small miracles_ , she thought, quickly making her way to the porch. No telling what beastie was hiding in there. After inheriting the cabin from her grandmother, her parents (both environmental scientists), decided to turn it into their research headquarters and immediately installed a more natural landscape into both the front and back yards.

She stalked the length of the wrap around porch, shoulders a little hunched, and peered in through the dusty windows suspiciously. A few times she had to wipe the sleeve of her leather jacket against the glass to see anything other than her own freckled face. She half expected something or someone to pop out at her from the gloom. Squatters weren’t exactly rare in California, after all. In fact…

Catra tapped her helmet against the windows just to reassure herself. This time when she rolled her eyes, it was at herself. _Paranoid dumbass_. As if a squatter would choose to confront her instead of making a run for it out the back.

She turned around and walked to the gate leading to the backyard next to the driveway. There, she kicked at a low panel in the wall with her boot until it finally came loose and fell off. Inside was an absolutely filthy looking tin can she blew at a couple times before picking it up with a grin.

 _Jackpot,_ the spare keys were still in place!

Before she could even take them out, she heard the all too familiar _woop!_ of a police cruiser behind her.

She groaned.

“Hey!” a woman called out over the sound of a slamming door. “This is private property you can’t be here.”

“Relax, officer,” she drawled, turning around with her hands in the air. “I’m the new owner. I’ve got the deed in my bike.”

The cop looked familiar. Skin a darker brown than her own, dark hair streaked through with grey, a sheriff’s badge sat proudly on her breast. She racked her brain- the police force hadn’t been that big back in the day. If she could remember her name maybe she can smooth things over.

“I can’t believe it.” A blonde college kid popped up behind the dark-skinned cop from the passenger side door. Pale blue eyes stared up at her in wonder. “Catra?”

A freezing jolt of surprise shot down her spine and the skin crawly feeling came back. The small hairs at the back of her neck prickled in alarm. Her breath stuttered.

Ten years had hardly changed anything.

No, ten years had changed _everything_.

Catra forced her face to relax and smiled crookedly. “Hey, Adora,” she purred, “Been a while.”

Adora laughed, delighted and loud, and rushed up to the porch to sweep her up in a bone crushing hug. “I’ll say! I barely even recognized you!”

Fuck, her one-time friend had gotten strong. She could feel the hard muscle flexing even through her protective layers. “Yeah,” she wheezed, “Had a wardrobe change.”

“Whoa, hey! Take it easy, Adora,” the sheriff laughed, coming up behind Adora to clap her on the shoulder. “You’ll squeeze the life out of her.”

Adora giggled, looking a little sheepish as she set Catra back on her feet. Catra noted with some annoyance that even in her motorcycle boots Adora stood a good few inches taller than her now. She straightened her leather jacket to hide her shaky hands and looked back at the sheriff with another smile.

“Nice to see you too, Mara. Changed your hair I see.” Catra made a flicking motion toward her own hair with two fingers. The woman had deep golden hair in her memories.

Mara laughed ruefully, touching her bangs. “Yeah, just wanted to go back to natural.”

“So,” Catra looked out across the road at the other cabins nearby. “I take it one of the neighbors saw ‘someone suspicious.’”

“I’d be lying if I said you didn’t alarm a couple people,” Mara said dryly, rubbing a hand over her jaw. Catra wondered what she was thinking about the most. The bike, the leather, the spikes, or the multiple piercings. Mara’s gaze darted to Adora, who shifted impatiently from foot to foot with a pointed look, then back at Catra. She smiled. “Well, I have to get back to work. Say, come over for dinner tonight. We can catch up then.”

Nausea tickled the back of her throat. God, she had to get rid of them. “That sounds nice,” she lied, “I don’t think I’ll have time though. I have a lot of stuff to go through in the cabin.”

“Oh, that’s fine! Hold on.” Adora grabbed a pen and business card from Mara’s belt and quickly scribbled on it before offering it with a bright smile. Catra’s heart twisted. “There. Brightmoon’s finest and if you don’t want to talk to a cop there’s my number. I’ll buy you a drink sometime.”

“Thanks,” she managed, taking the offered card and tucking it into her pocket without even looking at it.

“Adora!” Mara called from the car. “C’mon, let’s hustle!”

Adora hesitated. It took everything in Catra to not shove her flanneled ass toward the car.

“It’s really good to see you again,” Adora said quietly, pink lips curled in a sad smile.

Before Catra could respond, she turned away, jogging back to the car. Catra grit her jaw for a second, hands fisting in her pockets, then pushed an easy looking smile onto her face before waving goodbye as the car backed out of the driveway.

The moment she closed the front door behind her she collapsed against it, sliding to the floor, tears falling fast and thick. Her nails scraped hot lines against her scalp. There was an iron ball in her chest, sitting hot and angry, making her feel like she was too big for her own skin. A scream built in her throat, but she couldn’t chance letting it out and having the neighbors call the cops again so she stuffed one hand into her mouth to muffle it. She didn’t know what to do with the adrenaline flooding through her system so she slammed her other fist repeatedly against the door jam. It wasn’t enough to release the pressure so she stood up and kicked the first thing she saw.

The ottoman flew across the hardwood floor into one of the dining room chairs. She stalked after it, grabbed the chair and slammed it onto the ground so hard it broke. The sharp crack of the wood scattering finally broke through the bestial anger, freezing Catra in place, her breath coming hard and fast.

***

She was unsure how long it took before she finally calmed enough to focus on the job at hand.

The cabin was filthy. She dreaded to think how many days it might take to clean it thoroughly despite how small it was. The layout was simple; a kitchen with a tiny dining area, a living room, a bathroom, a bedroom, and a loft that had been converted into a work area with a small area sectioned off for a second bedroom. In movies and TV shows people always seemed to go through a whole memory montage as they walked through an old house. That couldn’t be farther from Catra’s experience.

She was exhausted, physically and emotionally, the longer she spent in the cabin the crankier she got. Everything was covered in a thick layer of grime and as she suspected there were generous heaps of cobwebs and bugs joining the dust bunnies. The air was stale even after opening up every window in the cabin. The water gushed out brown and groaning from the pipes at first, giving her a heart attack before running clear after continued flushing. She’d peeked out at the patio and promptly decided she didn’t want to go into the backyard. Similarly, she decided she didn’t need to examine the tiny one car garage that night either.

She made a mental note to thank Entrapta for helping her figure out how to ensure power and utilities were turned on before she came up. The last thing she wanted to do at this point was relieve herself in the yard and leave dusty with dirty tear streaks on her face.

She spent her first night back in Brightmoon holed up in the cheapest motel room she could find with a greasy burger and a 6-pack of beer. The bathroom was tiny, the water pressure left something to be desired, but at least she felt clean when she collapsed onto the bed.

To her surprise, when Scorpia called with Entrapta on the other end of the line, she happily took the invitation to vent about how absolutely disgusting her parent’s cabin was after all the neglect. They didn’t ask about any run ins with the locals and she didn’t feel the need to inform them. Still, by the time the call ended and she fell asleep, she felt a little better.

_***_

_A chubby faced Adora was giggling as she pointed out the tide pools, smiling wide with a cute gap toothed grin and waving her hands to encourage her to step into the water. Catra didn’t want to and remained perched precariously on a rock outcropping, easily keeping balance with her skinny limbs curled in tight against her body. It’d been barely three days since her parents fished her out of the ocean and she still remembered how the briny water tasted and stung in her nose and throat._

_“Don’t worry, I’ll look out for you,” Adora vowed with the heart felt conviction only a child could muster. When Catra remained unconvinced, Adora softened and said, “Just like you’d look out for me, right?”_

_“…Right,” Catra relented, unable to deny the other girl’s earnestness. She glanced around, taking note of how easily the other kids were splashing around and exploring. With a grumbling huff, she finally deigned to take Adora’s helping hand into the water._

_Later, when she turned around with a pretty seashell clutched in her grasp, she was alone._

***

In the morning, she took full advantage of the free donuts and coffee before checking out. Usually, she had a habit of sleeping in, but after a night of sporadic sleep she finally called it quits and accepted the fact that there was a reason why this bed was the cheapest one in town. Her back ached and she suspected that she fucked up something in her neck so there was absolutely no guilt in swiping more than her fair share on her way out the door.

Although, as she looked into the cabin from the doorway with a bag full of cleaning supplies in hand, the grease from the donuts seemed to sit badly in her stomach. Maybe she could call a cleaning company to take care of this instead. Did they even have one this far out in this small of a town?

She only had to remember her paltry banking account to change her mind. She had more money now than at any other time in her life but it only meant she didn’t have to worry quite as much about living hand to mouth.

Catra sighed, shrugged off her leather jacket, and tied a bandana around her nose and mouth. “Let’s do this.”

***

When she finally called it quits for the day, the cabin was somewhat livable again. Enough that she could stand the idea of spending the night here instead of another motel. She’d focused mostly on the bathroom, kitchen, and living rooms since that’s where she planned to spend the majority of her time. There was still a lot to be done, but she could walk around barefoot, sit where she wanted without worrying about leaving butt prints everywhere, and trust that she wouldn’t get poisoned if she tried to use the kitchen.

Whether or not she could stand the idea of being in her own skin at present moment was another question entirely. She was completely caked in dust, dirt, and grime, looking like she was the one that had been neglected for ten years rather than the building. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, the only part of her that didn’t look completely washed out were her blue and yellow eyes.

“Basically just a ghost, aren’t you?” she asked mirror-Catra. Her reflection snorted back at her and she laughed at her own absurdity before finally undressing to shower. The damage wasn’t too bad when she was done and the sludgy mess left behind was easily washed down the drain.

“Thank God I cut my hair,” she muttered under her breath. Her hair was so thick it was basically a mane. If she still had the whole thing she might as well acted as the feather duster for the whole place. As it was, she already tracked more than enough mess with it reaching just past her shoulders.

_Grrgle._

Catra pressed her hand to her belly as if to shush it. “Ok, time for food.”

Though her body ached from the cleaning, the last thing she wanted to do was put her helmet back on. Besides, the sun was just setting and she hadn’t allowed herself to actually enjoy the clean ocean air yet. Minutes later, she meandered her way down the beach to the tavern by the pier, basking in the soothing cocoon of the last warm rays of the sun and the baked sand between her toes.

The tavern itself leaned hard into the whole boating theme. A big log hall, decorated with sailboats, model sea animals, nets, tridents, anchors and any other naval decoration one could think of. But the noise was familiar to any bar goer and the mask of anonymity that came with a moderately busy restaurant was soothing. That bubble of contentment lasted about as long as it took to actually eat her dinner. A commotion started up at the door. It took a few seconds for Catra to figure out it was joyful heckling rather than someone about to start a bar fight. It helped that soon after a low male voice rose up over the rabble in a sea shanty.

“Uh-uh, nope.” She slapped a bill down on the table and rose to her feet. She might’ve stayed if there was a fight- she was used to that. Who knew sea shanties in this day and age?

She was halfway to one of the side doors when she heard her name being called. Without thinking she turned to see who it was and stopped in her tracks. Adora was sitting on a bar stool on the back deck, waving with her signature blinding smile. Catra hesitated, but when her alarm and panic from the other day didn’t come, she pivoted her path to her. She’d already run through scenarios where she’d run into her again today. Brightmoon was a pretty small town after all. Thankfully, outside the singing men (yes, _men_ , as more had decided to join in) blended in with the general background noise.

“Hey, Adora,” Catra purred, sidling up to her. She didn’t let Adora get a greeting in. “So, how ‘bout that drink?”

A pretty blush came over Adora’s cheeks. She looked simultaneously surprised and delighted.

“I’d hoped that you’d take me up on that offer,” she said as she waved the bartender over.

“Did you now?” Catra chuckled. “Whiskey ginger, thanks.”

She leaned against the bar, arching her pierced brow at Adora while giving her a once over. She hadn’t changed too much from the last time they hung out when they were twelve. She still had the same blonde ponytail, though it now came with a pompadour, and still had the same sensible fashion judging from the pink flannel, white T-shirt, Chuck Taylors, and well-worn looking grey jeans.

An old ache blossomed in her breast when her eyes met up again with Adora’s blue ones. They had always been soft where Catra’s were sharp.

Hmm, maybe she should’ve left anyway.

“Of course!” Adora gushed, leaning toward her excitedly. “I never thought I’d see you again here in Brightmoon after, _ah-_ “ Her voice hushed, unsure, “After, you know. The fall out between Beatrix and Micah-“

Catra waved the words away impatiently, shaking her head as she looked at the bartender for her drink. Beatrix was the last person she wanted to think about even if she was the reason Catra was here in the first place. “Well, surprise, I’m here. I’m finally old enough to get my inheritance.”

“Your inheritance,” Adora repeated, tone shifting. Catra refused to think about why she sounded sad about it. “Right.”

Catra immediately snatched up the drink the bartender placed in front of her, taking a quick swig.

“So-“ She racked her brain, trying to remember anything useful from Adora’s letters before they stopped coming, “What’re _you_ doing home? Shouldn’t you be in college right now?”

Adora immediately perked up. “I actually graduated early in winter so I’m taking a bit of a break before I actually jump into being a real adult…“

Catra relaxed as Adora continued talking, content to sip her drink more slowly as she listened. They always wrote letters to each other or talked on the phone to keep in touch when Catra wasn’t in Brightmoon, and those had already started dropping off as Adora got busier with school and her extracurriculars before stopping altogether. It just made sense that such a golden child would have graduated high school then university with scholarships and honors.

She was a good amount tipsy by the time the conversation turned back to her, which was probably why Catra leaned in closer to feel Adora’s warmth as she told her about how after high school she opted instead to travel and ping-ponged around the west coast before settling in Oakland.

“Portland, Seattle, Oakland?” Adora breathed, looking at her again with renewed interest.

“That definitely explains the whole-“ Adora gestured at the whole of Catra- the tattoos, the piercings, the combat boots, the tight, ripped jeans, the grungy looking cropped tank top with the big arm holes that did nothing to hide the black bra underneath. “You really came into yourself.”

Catra practically preened under her gaze as she finished her second drink but the ambiance came to an end when the loud group of men from before approached the back deck. Adora started giggling when Catra glared daggers at the leader- some tall, broad shouldered muschaio’d man who looked like he walked right out a production about modern-day pirates. 

“Don’t mind them,” the blonde said, “They always get rowdy whenever Seahawk shows up.”

“Ugh,” Catra scoffed, backing away when the group started placing orders next to them, “I think it’s time to call it a night.”

Adora chuckled then downed the rest of her beer. “Let me walk you home? It’s late.”

“If you insist.”

Somehow on the beach they ended up arm in arm with each other and Catra was definitely too buzzed to keep her distance. Adora had offered her flannel when they left, saying it was cold, then insisted on helping her keep balance when Catra took off her boots and socks to run ahead only to trip on an unseen piece of driftwood. The chilly breeze didn’t actually bother her that much, but the temptation of having a sturdy body keep her warm was too nice to not take advantage of when it was offered freely.

Being closer also made it much easier to knock out the back of Adora’s knee with a well-placed hand and foot to send her tumbling into the sand. The shrieks of outrage were drowned by her own cackles as she sprinted ahead. Adora would get her back, tripping her into the sand by tackling her around the legs. In the end, they alternated the entire way up the beach- one pranking and the other retaliating in revenge.

It was kind of amazing how easily they’d clicked back with each other. It was as if they hadn’t been separated for ten years. As if they hadn’t stopped talking for the last eight.

Their roughhousing grew quieter as the porch light of the cabin got brighter in the distance. Catra didn’t mind, just enjoyed the way her head fit so well on Adora’s muscled shoulder and the way her strong arm felt around her waist.

“You know,” Catra drawled when they stepped into the ring of light, “I still tried sending letters for a little while after I moved.”

“You did?”

The sudden pitch in Adora’s voice caused Catra to look up. The wide eyes on the other woman’s face surprised her. After Catra’s parents passed away, Beatrix had taken her in. A couple years later, at the beginning of high school, Beatrix moved them south to San Diego where she’d lost all contact with Adora. After that move Catra never had privacy to call and she always assumed that Adora was just too busy to respond to her letters. Catra always figured Adora made other friends who were closer. Was that not the truth?

“Yeah.”

“I never got them.”

Sobriety threatened at the fringes of her consciousness. “Oh.”

“I sent letters too, hoping that they’d redirect them to your new address.” Adora’s hair had gotten loose from their roughhousing. She looked so shy now, peeking at her from under her bangs. “They were always returned.”

She didn’t want to be sober right then. 

“Weird,” Catra huffed, “Guess my letters must’ve gotten lost or something.”

“Guess so,” Adora said quietly, watching her fumble with the unfamiliar keys to open the door. It took a couple tries and Catra let out a crow of victory when she finally succeeded.

“Here,” She handed Adora back her now severely sandy flannel once she stepped up into the doorway. “Thanks for walking me home.”

“You’re welcome,” Adora said, still quiet. She was looking at her too intently. Catra felt ready to bolt. “I wish-“

Catra kissed her so hard they knocked heads and went a little off target. She'd meant to kiss her cheek, but instead grazed the edge of Adora’s mouth. When she pulled back, Adora stared at her red-faced, hand pressed against her skin where Catra’s mouth had landed. Her pinkie rested tantalizingly over her parted lips.

“Goodnight, Adora,” Catra said and promptly shut the door in her face.

***

_The sun soaked through the leaves shading her hammock in the backyard. The heat of it made her drowsy and the way the ocean breezed rocked her lulled her to sleep. She could hear her mother calling faintly in the distance but she could tell she wasn’t worried- she sounded exasperated._

_Catra just curled up tighter in her little nest, hugging her favorite stuffed wild cat closer to her chest._

_Gentle fingers brushed her cheek. Catra relaxed with a deep sigh, calmed even more by her mother stroking through her hair._

***

Catra slept through most of the next morning. The only reason why she didn’t keep sleeping was the sun shining through the gauze curtains. After brushing her teeth and doing the absolute minimum to tame her hair, Catra looked around at the cleaning that still had to be done and quickly decided to do other chores that didn’t involve being in the house first. The sun in the cloudy sky was too inviting.

Yesterday, she’d only tidied up the garage enough to access the washer and dryer. Today, she spent the the morning moving everything in the garage to the driveway so she could sweep and hose down the interior. By the time her body reminded her that it needed sustenance, the garage just looked worn instead of decrepit.

“Pizza,” Catra said to herself, excited.

There was a pizzeria her family loved going to whenever they came into town and even after her parents passed away, Beatrix would still take Catra there at least once every visit. It didn’t take long rummaging through the pile of take-out menus her parents stashed in the kitchen by the phone for her to find the one she needed. She spent the next thirty minutes waiting for her pizza by sorting and singing along with the old Joan Jett CD still in the boombox she’d unearthed from her old room the day before. The music was so loud that she didn’t hear a car creep up the driveway until she spotted a shadow come up behind her.

Catra whirled around with a shriek and threw the air pump she had in her hands without thinking.

Adora quickly side stepped the projectile before it beaned her in the head. “Whoa!”

Catra jabbed the off button on the boombox and pulled down the red patterned bandanna from around her face. “Adora!” She cringed at the crack in her own voice. “What’re you doing here?”

Adora held up a pizza box and a liter of soda with an apologetic smile. “I got your order. Sorry, I tried calling out but I don’t think you heard me over the music.”

“Oh.” Catra scrunched her face a little at her. “You work at Twiggy’s?”

“No, but I was there with Perfuma for lunch when I heard the delivery kid ask where this place was. He hasn’t been in town very long so he’s still getting used to all the side roads.” Adora’s smile grew cocky and there was a playful twinkle in her eyes. “Figured you’d be alright with an unofficial delivery in return for not waiting an hour or two.”

Catra narrowed her eyes. She didn’t know how she felt about Adora still knowing her so well. Of course, the owner would be willing to trust Adora with such an unconventional proposal. They definitely hung out there enough times as kids and Adora was always his favorite out of their group. Why wouldn’t he trust her to do the right thing?

“Well, I already paid by credit card over the phone,” she said, waving her into the cabin. “And since you don’t officially work there I hope you don’t mind not getting a tip.”

Bubbly laughter answered her as Adora made her way into the kitchen. “Just let me have a slice of pizza.”

Catra smiled despite herself. Adora always had that effect on people. Now… which kid was Perfuma? Was it the kid who always had flower crowns?

“I’m surprised Perfuma’s still in town,” Catra said, after washing up and setting out a couple plates and cups. “I would’ve thought she’d have fucked off to San Francisco or Berkeley by now.”

“Oh, she did for a while,” Adora replied as she filled their cups up. “But she came back to help take care of her parent’s plant nursery while her mom goes through cancer treatment.”

Catra paused, pizza halfway to her mouth. “Oh, shit.”

“She’s ok,” Adora said quickly, catching onto her discomfort. As Catra floundered to come up with the appropriate response, Adora looked around the cabin, face nostalgic. “Man, it’s surreal. I never thought I’d be sitting in here again. Place looks a lot better than I thought it would.”

 _Thank God._ Catra sat up proudly. “I’ve been doing a ton of cleaning. That’s why there’s all that shit in the driveway.”

Her mood quailed immediately at the way Adora looked back at her in excitement. “How long are you staying? Are you moving in since the cabin’s your’s now?”

“Uh.” Catra stuffed half the pizza slice into her mouth to buy time before answering. “I’m not sure. Right now I just want to get everything cleaned so I can go through all my parent’s stuff without dying, figure out my plans from there.”

“I can help!” Adora picked up a slice and took a bite as she wiggled in her seat. “I don’t have a lot going on right now anyway.”

The _no_ was immediately on the tip of Catra’s tongue. Last night was fun and Adora’s enthusiasm was infectious, but the idea of spending hours on end with her brought back unwanted memories and emotions she’d thought dead and buried. However… The twinge in her back reminded her just how much work there was left to be done and she had to relent- cleaning would go faster with a second pair of hands. “Sure, thanks.”

With Adora’s help, reorganizing the garage went by quickly. Adora had sectioned off part of space to store anything they found that could be resold. Anything that was trash would join the already existing pile out in the driveway. Meanwhile, her motorcycle was finally moved in. It sat comfortably next to her father’s workbench. She wondered if he’d be proud of her for having her own bike or if he’d be worried sick.

They started in on the living room next, moving furniture and getting into all the nooks and crannies of the shelves. When it came to actually dusting off all the knickknacks, that was slower. It was far too easy to get distracted and reminisce with Adora. Adora had to tell her how some of the items were acquired and for others Catra found her memory returning after prompting. They laughed way too hard retelling each other plot points of the videos they found and opening up random pages of her mother’s romance novels for dramatic readings. The most excited Catra got, however, was when they opened up the entertainment system and discovered the record player still worked. All work completely stopped as Catra spent the next half an hour sorting through and cleaning all the vinyls she found for immediate listening.

“Catra?” Adora called from the porch. They’d opened up the front door and windows to air out the cabin as the air refilled with dust.

“Yeah?” Catra yelled back, distracted.

“What’re all these photos doing out here?”

Catra froze. _Ah, shit._ She’d dumped every single frame out on the porch while she was cleaning yesterday and forgot about them. “They’re fucking dusty! I didn’t want to deal with them yet.”

When she didn’t get a response, she shrugged and went back to business. Sometime later, Tina Turner’s husky crooning filled the space and Catra sighed deeply, closing her eyes to just feel the thump of the bassline through the floor. After her parents’ accident, she avoided music that reminded her of them. Surprisingly, it was Beatrix who turned her back to her parent’s favorite artists, using their music to help bridge the gap between them when the house was too quiet and heavy. Even in recent years, she’d found herself seeking them out again to stave off the loneliness. It was probably one of the very few things she didn’t hate that woman for.

Outside, she heard Adora giggle. “Hey, remember when your dad tried to serenade your mom at the pier using this song?”

It took a second, but she did. They’d just gotten back into port from sample collecting and recording specimens when her father burst into an awful rendition of _“Rock Me Baby.”_

“Ha, yeah, he was so loud and embarrassing about it, Mom pushed him off the boat and he ended up taking Beatrix with him!” Catra laughed, eyes crinkling at the memory. It’d been one of the handful of times she didn’t see the pale woman looking 100% composed.

Adora leaned in through the window laughing too, her eyes as bright as a summer sky. “Yeah! And my mom had to fish them both out with a pole because they got boxed in by another boat!”

“God, yeah, and she couldn’t stop yelling at Mom ‘cause she couldn’t be assed enough to help!” She laughed so hard she fell back to the floor, clutching her stomach.

It took a while before she calmed. When she finally looked back at Adora, the blonde had that intense look in her eyes again, the one that made the skin between her shoulders itch and her legs twitch with barely suppressed energy.

“Hey,” Catra said abruptly, jumping up and pulling on Adora’s hands. “Get in here!”

Adora shrieked laughter, ducking her head so that she didn’t get a face full of glass, and slid in through the window. “Oh my god! Why?”

“Dance with me!” she said, grinning and twirling the taller woman around playfully. “It’s time for a break!”

Adora could only laugh again as Catra sang along with an exaggerated inflection, overdoing the hoarseness as she led them around the small open space. “ _I’ve been thinking about my own protection- It scares me to feel this waaAAY! AAAaaaOOOH! What’s love got to do, got to do with it?”_

Another mirthful shriek came out of Adora when she was dipped back, hands clutching Catra’s toned arms. “Stop, I’m gonna fall!”

“No, you’re not. Stop being such a wuss!” Catra pulled her upright again and immediately belted out the next couple lines of the chorus. Adora dropped her head onto Catra’s shoulder, muffling her giggles against her tank top. Catra couldn’t stop smirking and it widened to a grin when Adora finally joined in.

Catra didn’t let another tense moment happen again for the rest of the time Adora was over. She chose records that she knew were energetic and upbeat. She sang along and so did Adora. Adora’s voice was clearer than her’s, ringing like a bell, siren-like and just as beautiful as she remembered.

“Hey, I’m going out tonight with Glimmer and Bow,” Adora mentioned as they finished up for the day. They had made good progress, the front of the cabin was completely clean and all of the heavy lifting in Catra’s old bedroom was done. “They’re back home from college for the long weekend. Do you want to come with?”

The first thought Catra had was _ew, hell no_. She had a good enough idea of what that would entail from hanging around Entrapta’s and Scorpia’s university friends. There was no way she wanted to hang with a bunch of college kids stressed out in their last year, _especially_ Sparkles if she was still as intense as she remembered. “Nah, maybe next time,” she hedged, wiping her hands on her jeans so that she didn’t have to look at Adora. “I’m gonna finish up a few more things before I call it a night.”

“Okay,” Adora said, smiling. Her dimples seemed deeper than Catra remembered from when they were kids. There was a beat, then Adora pulled Catra into a quick hug. “Don’t work too hard.”

“You know me,” Catra said, returning it with an awkward clap on the back. “Never.”

Later, even with Adora gone, it still took Catra some effort to finally take the crumpled business card she’d handed her that first day out of her pocket.

 _Hey, Adora. Thanks for helping today,_ she texted.

The response came immediately, her phone vibrating silently in her hands.

_Adora: Always_

Catra ducked her head, hiding her smile, and all but skipped into the garage to ride into town. She needed something other than greasy fast food.

Well, she tried to get mostly healthy food. When she came back from the grocery store, probably half of her total purchases were beer and whiskey.

She’d only just settled in the living room with her dinner when several reflections caught her gaze. At some point before leaving, Adora had cleaned all the photo frames and placed them back in their proper spots on the walls and shelves. Catra jumped right back up to her feet and made a sweep around the cabin, quickly and forcefully turning every one of her family’s and Beatrix’s smiling faces around or face down away from her.

The rest of the night was spent numbly playing more vinyl records and _Snake_ on her phone, wondering if it would be worth it to look into installing internet at the cabin for the remainder of her stay.

***

_Catra was on a boat, scurrying around the deck on chubby legs and generally getting underfoot with a couple of the other kids as the researchers diligently collected what they needed and made their measurements. She could hear Glimmer sitting with her parents near the helm, animatedly peppering Angella with questions as Micah worked._

_“Oop, careful, catfish!” Her father’s dark hands grabbed her around the middle and plopped her down on a bench near the railing. “We’re going to start pulling in the net so I’mma need you to stay right here, okay?”_

_“Okay,” she said scrunching her nose as she watched her mother’s thick, feathered brown hair bob in and out of view of the lab room’s windows while she prepared the instruments. This part was going to take a while and she knew she needed to stay put during the entire time._

_Next to her, Beatrix sat down daintily. Her long black hair was twisted back in a single braid and a maroon veil delicately covered the lower half of her face. Green eyes shone with a humor that had disappeared in her later years. “Bored already, child?”_

_“I don’t like sitting still out here,” Catra pouted, picking at the straps of her too large lifejacket, “There’s so many things to look at.”_

_“How about a story?” Beatrix offered, brushing a stray curl behind Catra’s ear._

_Catra immediately brightened up. “A ghost story?”_

_“We’re on the ocean,” Beatrix replied with a sweep of her hand out over the wide blue waters. “I think a mermaid story would be better.”_

_The child smiled and her feet started swinging excitedly. “Like_ Little Mermaid _?”_

_“A little bit. Not quite the same.”_

_The ship gave a shudder and, for a second, the sunny day was replaced with darkening skies and the boat beneath her feet was much smaller and closer to the violently churning grey waters. She blinked and she was back under the sunshine, Beatrix’s larger body shielding her from the cold ocean wind as she talked._

_“There’ve always been stories about mermaids being spotted in Brightmoon Bay and in the surrounding waters. I think if you ask any of the sailors or fishermen around town they’ll tell you they’ve all seen something unnatural in these waters. One sailor from back when Spain still owned California swears that when his ship was wrecked during a storm just off the coast, he was saved by a beautiful woman with a purple fish tail and who was dressed in a cloak of white pearly scales.”_

_Catra scrunched up her face even more. “_ Real _stories? That’s crazy!”_

_Beatrix’s eyes squinted in a smile over her veil and for a moment Catra could smell the lavender scent Beatrix always claimed helped her with her seasickness wafting off of her. “I’ve even heard of one man in town who says that he heard a mermaid singing at night, trying to lure him out of his bunk onto the deck of his ship so that he could be swept into the ocean.”_

_A crack of thunder echoed overhead with a flash of lightning. Catra clutched at the railing of the small boat, screaming for her parents. She was soaked through to the bone and the rain was pelting her in the face, rendering her half blind. Where were they? Where was_ anyone? _Did they fall overboard?_

_Another flash and she was back next to Beatrix, exclaiming, “I think he must have been drunk!”_

_“Maybe,” Beatrix said with a conspiratorial whisper, “But you know what? Even_ I’ve _seen something odd.”_

 _Encouraged by Catra’s gasp of awe, she continued, “I was younger then, still working on my PhD, but on one trip we stayed out a little bit too long and when we made our way back to port at night, I saw something purple_ glowing,” _She emphasized the word with a flare of her slender hands and a widening of her eyes. “Right there in the water, next to the ship!”_

_The next crack of thunder echoed over Beatrix’s voice and the woman disappeared in a sheet of rain. The boat twisted so violently the little girl lost her grip and went skidding across the deck._

_“Catra!”_

_She looked up, flailing, and managed to see both of her parent’s horrified faces right before she crashed into the black waters._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my first ever fanfic I'll do my best to keep you entertained
> 
> Check out some concept art on my Twitter!  
> https://twitter.com/TheMaggiezine
> 
> I also have a Spotify playlist for the fic because I got pretty deeply obsessed for about a week while I wrote the first 25K words  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1YAlp17kLQAiWBG60hFeTU?si=JtlH_cxJQT2k8CvZlsyxnQ


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Mentions of past child abuse, panic attacks, and almost drowning.
> 
> Thanks to ChatteZi for beta'ing for me!

On Friday, Catra finished clearing the rest of her old bedroom since that was already half done. Most of her old belongings ended up in the trash pile or the garage to be resold except for her CDs. When she placed the last of her stuffed animals into a trash bag, Catra just stood there, blankly staring around her now empty bedroom. Should she feel bad that she didn’t have any emotional connection to pretty much anything in here? In fact, she didn’t have much of a connection to anything in general in this place. It was so easy for her to throw away anything that didn’t have any practical immediate use.

The only trepidation she felt was when she finally ventured into the loft. It had always been her parent’s domain. She’d actually spent a full five minutes on the first step of the spiraling staircase trying to hype herself up enough to climb. She’d debated on texting Scorpia or Entrapta, but knew she wouldn’t like their responses. Scorpia would send her something gently encouraging but also gave her an opening to completely ignore the task at hand for the sake of her mental health. Entrapta would rattle something off entirely technical about trauma response and grieving that she probably read off a website. But Catra couldn’t just leave. She needed to tear that space apart. She could feel in her gut that the answers she was looking for were there.

The kick she needed came from an unexpected source.

 _Bzzt_.

_DT: HEY KITTEN WHERE R U? DID U DIE? CUM OVER 2NITE_

Catra slumped on the stairs, brow resting against the thin metal railing. Double Trouble, or DT, was probably the only person in her life that laid out her issues straight up in ways she could understand. She’d be pissed a lot of the time, but she always knew they were right. She nervously fidgeted with her phone, sliding the front panel side to side quickly just to hear and feel the click of the QWERTY keyboard open and close.

 _In Brightmoon,_ she typed back.

_DT: Boo u whore cant believ u actually went_

A beat.

_DT: OMG DO U GOT $$$ NOW?? B MY SUGAR MOMMY_

“ _Pfft_!” Catra covered her face, snorting giggles. DT joked, but they were one of the reasons why she was here. Scorpia and Entrapta had encouraged the trip as well, saying that it could be good for her rediscover her parents, process her tangled up emotions while she was here and leave Brightmoon on her own terms. The last time she’d been here, she was under Beatrix’s guardianship and they’d ended up leaving with no warning. Maybe Catra would even be able to find out why her parents ever left her to the care of that witch of a woman.

Meanwhile, DT had said, sure, those were all good points, but even if she didn’t get any of that she could still get money by selling the cabin and everything inside- maybe finally afford therapy where she could get all of the above.

_Still poor, sorry. But by the time I leave I think I’ll be a pretty good maid_

_DT: Ooo kinky!_

_DT: Find smth good yet? Ground breaking rsch? Answer 2 global warming? Secret treasure maps? Sex toys? Sex tapes? Weird pr0n?_

_Don’t be gross._ Catra ran her fingers through her hair and bit her bottom lip. _I’ve been too nervous to go up into the loft._

Surprisingly, it took a few minutes before DT responded. Catra could’ve caused her own earthquake waiting with how hard her leg bounced.

_Bzzt._

_DT: Nothing to lose, everything to gain_

Catra slowly released her held breath, closed her phone, and pressed the corner of it between her closed eyes. They’re right.

She knew that, as scientists, they kept logs upon logs of their activity. She also knew by living with Entrapta and just generally being around Entrapta, that there was a good chance that those logs would include more personal journal entries. Maybe they even kept duplicate court documents here.

Her first time up in the loft lasted all of ten minutes. She’d been vacuuming when she spotted an old, rolled up newspaper sitting on the long work table in the middle of the office area. Nothing about the headlines or articles were special, except for one thing, the date: **March 21 st, 2003.**

Just like that, there was a roar in her ears and her nerves felt raw and overexposed. She snatched the newspaper, then, frantic, she swept aside the clutter on the table. There were notes on the table listing dates and short comments like _sighting, report?, no contact,_ and _call HP_. There were others too, but they were scribbled out so much she couldn’t read them. They didn’t make sense, but it wasn’t what they said that mattered right now, it was the handwriting. She’d recognized Beatrix’s neat, perfect cursive for the rest of her life.

March 21st, 2003.

That was _five years_ ago. Roughly a month after she’d run away.

Catra’s breath hissed out from between clenched teeth. Her fingers itched. She wanted to dig into her own skin in a way she hadn’t in ages. Her face burned, her back and ribs ached.

With a scream she upended the whole table and stormed out to the garage, just barely remembering to shove her arms into her leather jacket and her head into the helmet before kicking her motorcycle to life.

It felt like only seconds passed when she flew into the police station. It was by pure luck that Mara was in the lobby talking with the front desk.

“ _Mara_!”

The sheriff snapped her head up, grey eyes wide. Catra can’t have imagined how she must look to them. A proper hoodlum from the inner city.

“Catra? What’s going on?”

Catra marched straight up to her and held the newspaper in front of her face. “Beatrix Weaver! She came here, didn’t she? Five years ago? She was in my parent’s cabin!”

Mara stared at the yellowed paper for a couple seconds before solemnly looking down into Catra’s snarling face. “Let’s step into my office.”

Her voice didn’t allow for any argument. It was a cop tone, one that said _don’t make a scene_ and _do what I say_.

Catra followed her, seething. The door had hardly closed before she threw the newspaper down on Mara’s desk.

“Why was she here? What was she doing in that cabin?” she demanded.

Mara sat down behind her desk and placed her sheriff’s hat down before answering, leveling her gaze with Catra’s. The stern look was a warning, a reminder of who was the one in charge.

Catra’s mouth snapped shut, but she didn’t sit, just gripped the back of the chair so hard her knuckles turned white.

Mara waited a couple more seconds then said, “Yes. Beatrix Weaver came to Brightmoon five years ago. She was looking for you.“

Catra cussed, baring her teeth, but Mara continued as if there hadn’t been an interruption. “She said you ran away and wanted to know if you had come back.”

“Why the _fuck_ would she care what happened to me?!” The chair shuddered in her grip. It was taking everything in her not to chuck it at the wall.

The sheriff’s eyes softened the same way her adopted daughter’s often did. “Catra, she _was_ your godmother.”

Catra slammed the chair against the floor with an echoing bang. “ _The hell she was!_ ” she hissed. To her shame she could feel tears pricking the corner of her eyes as she said, voice cracking, “You have _no idea_ what that woman did to me!”

Mara went unnervingly quiet, realization creeping over her expression.

Catra immediately regretted her outburst and turned away, furiously wiping at her face. She did not come here to cry in a police station. She heard a chair scrape back and the soft click of heeled boots on the floor.

“I’m sorry,” Mara murmured behind her, reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder in comfort. When Catra flinched away, the sheriff quickly pulled back.

Catra pressed the heels of her palms against her eyelids and forced herself to take a deep, shuddering breath. When she was sure she wasn’t about to break into tears again, she rasped, “Was there a police report?”

“Yes.”

“I want it.”

“Sure. I’ll make a copy.”

The metallic shriek of the filing cabinet sounded too loud in the sudden quiet. Mara murmured a quick, “I’ll be back in a sec,” and slipped out of the office.

Alone, Catra leaned heavily against the sturdy desk, completely exhausted. She should leave. Go back to the city and the life she’d carved out for herself. Her chin dropped against her chest.

She already knew she’d be staying. She wanted answers and she would get them.

“Here,” Mara said when she came back in, holding a manilla folder. Catra reached for it, but Mara didn’t let go until Catch met her gaze.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, and the cop voice was gone. She was Adora’s mom, the woman who always let her spend the night and sent her home with extra food. “If I’d known… I should have known.”

“You couldn’t have,” Catra said, all the fight gone out of her. She just wanted to go to sleep. “The worst of it didn’t happen until we moved to San Diego.”

“If there’s anything I can do…”

Catra only nodded and headed for the door. She paused with her hand on the handle and turned slightly, her eyes hidden under her hair. “Did everyone know?” she whispered.

“Not everyone,” Mara replied. “Beatrix only asked me, Adora, and Micah. I got the impression that she wanted to keep it quiet. Glimmer and Bow might have overheard from Adora though. She was pretty worried. I did some digging on my own, but I didn’t say what for.”

Another nod. Catra left without another word.

Without the adrenaline and anger bolstering her, her whole body felt hollow and her brain felt foggy. She didn’t know where she was going, only that she couldn’t go back to the cabin just yet. Somehow, by the time her awareness came back she found herself staring out across the bright blue waters of the bay. Her feet had taken her straight to Crescent Harbor, the main beach Brightmoon was popular for since it was the closest to downtown. This was where most tourists came if they were visiting or just passing through.

Thankfully the beach was pretty much empty. It was the off season for tourists and still too early for any of the locals to come out. She could afford a couple hours to wallow in self-pity.

The wind blew cold as Catra kicked off her boots and socks. It felt good, the chill cutting through the muggy mental landscape that still floated between her ears. The cool texture of the sand when she dug in her toes grounded her. By the time she picked out a spot some feet from where the tides crashed in and sat down on her jacket, she felt human again.

Catra turned her attention to the police report then, holding it up in the air with her arms stretched out in front of her. She glared at it.

“Fuck you,” she said emphatically. The dark ink of the police department’s logo stared back stoically. She pressed the folder into her face and dropped back onto the sand with a deep groan. She’d demanded the report on an impulse. Now that she could actually think again, she wanted to throw it into the ocean… or burn it. Seeing it go up in flames would be very satisfying.

Catra pushed herself up and settled in, crossing her legs to get comfortable. When she pulled out the report, her own teenaged face completely mean-mugging the camera stared back up at her, baby-cheeked and looking like a raccoon with how much eyeliner she’d caked on. Catra had to bite back a snicker, she recognized this mugshot immediately. She was fifteen and got caught shoplifting at the mall. She hadn’t gotten the eyebrow or bar piercing yet, but between her attitude and multiple spiked earrings she already looked like a juvenile delinquent. _Of course, that’d be the photo Beatrix used,_ Catra thought spitefully. _Nobody would look for a runaway like this._

The report itself was pretty short, just a single page, and clearly a copy from the San Diego Police Department original. As expected for a runaway, especially a young brown girl. The rest of the file was her picture and some notes scrawled in Mara’s hand noting that her last known sighting was on a bus heading north from San Jose a week before and that she hadn’t had contact with anyone in Brightmoon, though the situation may change. The only comment that really struck her was at the very end.

 _Oh, honey, what happened to you?_ past-Mara implored, her strokes quick and tight, clearly worried.

 _You’re not the only one wondering,_ Catra thought sadly, looking back out at the ocean.

Something bobbed off in the horizon, flashing pink and purple. She shaded her eyes, squinting into the distance as she tilted her head.

A second thing splashed up close to the first, a sparkling streak of white and gold. _What…?_

Behind her, a huge gasp sounded out, causing her to clap the folder closed.

“Oh. My. God! Is that Catra?” Some college-aged kid in a white crop top and grey shorts came jogging up next to her with a grin stretching ear to ear. Catra leaned away, eyes wide. If she had actual cat ears they would’ve flattened completely against her head. Whenever a boy came running up on her like that it usually didn’t mean anything good.

“…Who’s asking?” she asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

“It- It’s me!” He tapped his chest, dark eyes shining with his excitement. “We used to hang out as kids!”

She took a moment to look him up and down. If that was supposed to help out, it didn’t. The top of the dark-skinned man’s Gumby haircut was highlighted a warm purple gradient in the sunshine and his clothes fit snugly against his muscular frame. There were a few black boys she hung out with as a teenager that might’ve fit his body type, but she highly doubted they would have appeared in Brightmoon at the same time as her.

His energy levels dialed down a little when it was clear she had no idea who he was. The pout that appeared on his face made him look like a kicked puppy. “It’s me! Bow!”

“Oh… _Bow_!” Right, Adora had mentioned Bow and Glimmer would be in town. She shook her head. “Jesus, what’re they feeding you here? Both you and Adora are _stacked_.”

That happy go-lucky grin reappeared on his face as fast as he had appeared on the beach and he plonked right on down next to her. “We got _super_ into sports in high school and I ended up doing a lot of weight lifting in college to let off some steam ‘cause otherwise I’d just be stuck behind a computer all day as an engineering major.”

Catra bit back a dismayed moan. That wasn’t supposed to be an invitation. She looked back out at the ocean, shifting away from him. Maybe he’d catch the hint and go away. “Uh-huh. Fascinating.”

Bow ended up laying on his side in front of her, his chin propped up on his hand.

“I was hoping I’d run into you, actually! Adora said you were in town when we met up last night and the way she described you with the _piercings_ and the _tattoos_ and the _traveling everywhere-_ ” he rambled, still beaming, his attention going from her to his gesticulating hand to the sky. “ _Man!_ You just sounded so cool! If it weren’t for those eyes of your’s I don’t think I would’ve recognized you either! Like, you said me and _Adora_ are stacked but your arms are ripped!”

She was sure that if she was attracted to men at all this would be disarmingly charming, but as it was, she was just irritated.

Behind Bow’s shoulder she watched something big arc across the water, sending rainbows scattering as it splashed droplets into the sunshine.

“Whoa!” Catra leapt to her feet, one hand against her brow again to shade her eyes. “What was that?”

Bow jumped to his feet too, right in front of her, and blocked her sight with his broad shoulders. “What was what? Did you see something?”

When she tried to look around his thick torso she got blocked again by his wide, dramatic gestures, searching the horizon. It’d be funny if it wasn’t happening to _her_.

“Ugh!” Catra ducked under his arm and shouldered him aside, gaze darting from shimmering wave to shimmering wave. A big, sun-dyed fin slapped the surface and disappeared.

“Oooh, _wow,_ you’re strong!” Catra tore her focus away from the ocean and down at Bow dramatically splayed on his back, half covered in sand. “Girl, you gotta drop your workout routine.”

“…I needed to be strong enough to push my motorcycle off me before I could get my license,” Catra finally said, arching her pierced brow at him. “Look, thanks for the compliments, but you’re _really_ barking up the wrong tree here.”

When she received a confused stare, she rounded her eyes at him and said, “You know? I play on the same team as your dads?”

Bow sat up straight away, embarrassed. “Oh, oh _no_ I wasn’t trying to hit on you, I swear! You know, I just got _excited_ -“ His gaze dropped and he leaned forward, trying to wipe away the sand off her half buried jacket. “Shoot, I think I got sand all over your stuff, I’m _so_ sorry-”

The papers in the folder fluttered out, picked up by the wind.

“Fuck!”

“Oh, jeeze! I’m sorry! Here, let me help!”

Catra snatched up Mara’s notes floating around midair and whirled around, hair practically standing on end. Bow was looking down at her missing person report and her mugshot, shocked.

“Gimme that,” she growled, jumping forward and snatching them both out of his hands.

“S-sorry,” Bow said, chastened, one hand stretched toward her as if he could still help somehow. She couldn’t look at him and busied herself placing the papers back into the folder. Then tucked them under her arm so that she could shake out her jacket.

it took approximately ten seconds before Bow broke the silence, hesitantly, “I- I already knew, if that helps.” It didn’t. “Adora told me after Beatrix talked to her and Mara started asking around all the kids who used to hang out with us back then. We wanted to search for you even after Beatrix told us about all the stuff that happened in San Diego.”

“Great,” Catra growled, stuffing her arms through the sleeves.

“Nobody would’ve judged you if you did run away here,” he rushed ahead, “We knew that things were tough after the accident and Beatrix wasn’t exactly the easiest person to get along with.”

Catra got right up in his face, forcing him to take a step back. “Y’all didn’t know _shit_ ,” she hissed, “And gossiping about me doesn’t mean you understand me.”

“No! No, of course not!” Bow said, his hands held submissively out in front of him, “We can’t even begin to try and imagine what you went through.”

She stared him down a second more then made a sound that could only be described as a huffed snarl as she turned away to grab her boots.

“I mean it, though,” Bow ventured softly. His voice was soothing, as if trying to calm a feral animal. She hated that it actually seemed to work on her. Enough that she stopped in her tracks. “Whatever happened, whatever you went through afterwards, whatever you did to _survive_ , nobody would judge. Or, well,” The young man sighed and she could see his shadow move to rub the back of his neck. “At least I wouldn’t.”

Catra twisted to face him, jabbing an accusatory finger at him with the same hand holding her shoes.

“Stop that,” she bit out, “Stop feeling sorry for me. I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not pity,” Bow said, voice unchanged, and held his palms out in the air again. “I just want you to know where I’m coming from and that I’m still your friend.”

Her eyes started to burn again.

“If- if you want, that is,” Bow added quickly, shoulders shrinking up toward his ears. “Entirely up to you.”

She turned around and stomped back up to the street, shouting over her shoulder, “You’re all a bunch of bleeding hearts!”

Her only answer was a good-natured chuckle.

***

As much as she wanted to talk to Scorpia, she also didn’t. That woman had dealt with enough of her emotional baggage to last a lifetime. She doubted Entrapta would understand. DT was…. DT wasn’t the type to provide the pep talk she needed at the moment. It wasn’t as if they all wouldn’t check in unless she reached out first. They would all ping in every once in a while, but Catra rarely ever responded with the full picture of the situation. Thankfully, they never pushed.

If there was any upside to how in the middle of nowhere Brightmoon was, there were at least plenty of deserted trails for her to go to and trash until she felt better.

Catra returned to the cabin when the sun began to set.

She only managed to vacuum the loft before calling it quits. The rest of the night was spent watching public access channels with the crappy analog antennae until she passed out.

For most of Saturday she alternated between sorting everything in the loft, clearing debris from the yard, and napping. The weather turned warm for the weekend and she was eager to set up the hammock in the oak tree in the backyard so she could indulge in the lethargy the heat invoked as she did when she was younger. Besides, it would be nice to be able to run barefoot through the backyard and straight down to the beach instead of taking the long way around through the front yard to the street entrance.

There were, thankfully, no more intense emotional upheavals. If anything, the only emotion she felt was building excitement every time she pulled a potential clue out of the mountain of paperwork left behind by her parents. By dinner time, she had the beginnings of three piles on the work table: a stack of scientific log books, a stack of worn looking journals, and a stack of everything else too packed with scientific jargon and charts for her to even begin trying to understand.

On Sunday, she finished pulling the log books and journals. She decided to start with the journals, flipping through them quickly to figure out which ones were relevant to her search first. She quickly discovered that the journals were her mother’s and was written in both standard English and a coded shorthand. Catra started grinning at the wave of familiar comfort sweeping over her. Her mother had taught her shorthand as a childhood game, something to occupy her when her parents needed to work. It might take a bit for her to remember everything, but she’d be able to read her mother’s thoughts.

If she started feeling too heavy or her eyes started to blur, she’d walk the beach. A few times she even ventured into the water, never going deeper than her shins. Every time she’d look out over the ocean, curious about the weird fishes she’d seen on Friday with Bow. She felt like she had vague knowledge about how colorful fish with those sorts of colors were only found in warm, tropical waters.

Once or twice on her breaks she fancied she saw large shadows darting beneath the water or the occasional colorful glint off in the distance, but those were just as likely as an illusion of light refracting on the water. Were there dolphins in the area? They had slippery shiny skin that could play tricks in the sun right?

It didn’t help that the whole weekend she slept fitfully and never more than probably an hour at a time. Bad dreams were familiar to her. She had plenty of fuel for them after all. Her dreams alternated between running around Brightmoon as a child and an adult. Sometimes she wasn’t in Brightmoon at all, but in San Diego.

She didn’t remember much of the dreams. Mostly just the panic and unease. Sometimes there was a maw of shadow chasing after her, sometimes red lightning froze her to the spot. Regardless of how the dream started though, they always ended the same. She was trapped in the storm again, roiling with the waves. Glimmering white scales would pass by her and flash pink and gold even though the skies were dark and there was hardly any light in the water. Every so often the scales were replaced by twin electric blue orbs. She fancied they were watching her struggle as she clawed for purchase, trying to figure which way was up.

Multiple times she would wake gasping, covered in a cold sweat, terrified that she couldn’t breathe. During these moments Catra would think to herself she needed to hurry up and leave.

Throughout the weekend she got texts from Adora checking up on her and updating her on what was happening in her own life. While she assumed that Bow would have informed his friends about what happened between them, there were a couple times where Adora pressed particularly hard about coming over or insisting Catra come out to play that convinced her that Bow had _definitely_ told Adora what happened. She threatened to turn the hose on anyone who approached the cabin. After that threat, which she was pretty sure Adora still debated on the seriousness of, Adora started sending pixelated selfies with Glimmer and Bow along with pictures of whatever shenanigans the trio got into until it got too dark for the camera.

***

When night fell on Sunday, Catra had enough of being alone. She’d started talking to herself just a _smidge_ too much for comfort. As an individual, she just wasn’t meant to spend hours upon hours alone with her own company anyway. Besides, all the hard work was pretty much finished at this point. She deserved some fun.

Should she call up Adora? Text her to see where she was? Would it be too much if she just invited herself along?

Catra tilted her phone sideways and then tilted her head in the opposite direction. Adora had actually sent a photo not even five minutes earlier. It was another pixelated selfie with Glimmer and Bow, beaming into the extreme high angle. It was also off center with Adora’s face almost completely cut out. Catra giggled, wondering just how many blind pictures they had to take before they finally got one that was usable.

_Adora: BOUTTA TURN UP AT ELBERON!_

It wasn’t exactly inviting herself along if she just showed up was it? She’d been wanting to go to Elberon since she got into town. From the gossip, it was a great restaurant that converted into one of the most popular bars in town at night. If her company wasn’t wanted, well, there were plenty of other people there. As much as she distrusted people, it was easy for her to find a crowd to party with.

The deep bass could be heard a block down even through her helmet. Catra was grinning, excitement thrumming through her veins as she quickly secured her bike. There was a line to get in, with a surprising number of twenty-somethings gathered in groups outside. She could see two bouncers on either side of a young woman taking bills for the cover charge. She guessed Glimmer and Bow weren’t the only ones who decided to come to Brightmoon for the long weekend and the bar meant to reap what it could. Flashing neon lights lit up the inside. Behind the main building a back patio jutted out over the beach with twinkling lights strung up between flaming heat lamps to help people keep warm.

“Hm…” Catra skipped past the line and headed to the beach, ducking under the wooden support beams once she was out of sight from the street. She tested them carefully, wiggling them and then jumping up to brace her arms on them. They remained sturdy and Catra smirked.

She waited another minute or so, ears pricked for the sound of alarmed security guards. Hearing nothing other than the occasional delighted shriek of drunk patrons, she started climbing, thankful that she hadn’t chosen her skinny jeans that night. Instead she’d chosen a pair of black belted, maroon cargo pants that tapered under her knees. Compared to some of the other places she’d snuck into, this was a breeze. Within seconds she’d scaled up and over the back railing, landing without a sound behind a group of giggling sorority girls who loudly cheered each other while taking shots.

Which, speaking of…

She ducked and weaved her way past the party goers, pointedly ignoring any catcalls that drifted her way. The bar was pretty busy so she slid onto a stool the moment one was vacated. She people watched with a bill held between her fingers until the bartender was free and she could get their attention.

A familiar blonde head soon caught her eye after she was able to place her order. Without blinking, she downed her double shot of whiskey and slipped into the crowd on the dance floor.

Adora and Bow danced in front and behind a shorter girl who completely glittered in the flashing lights. They were clearly acting as her bodyguards from any more amorous admirers while also simultaneously making her shriek-laugh with embarrassment at being the middle of an unexpected dance floor sandwich. Catra had very sparse memories of Glimmer. She never seemed to be around very often when Catra was in town, always busy with one thing or another. In fact, most of her memories of the colorful girl were of her in passing from the research center or sometimes on the research ships when their parents’ schedules coincided. This was definitely the first time she’d ever seen the younger girl having this much fun.

Well, sure hope she doesn’t ruin it.

Catra slinked in when they stepped back from each other as the song changed, passing behind Adora and slipping her fingertips along the inch of bare skin just beneath the hem of Adora’s tight, white shirt with a smirk. “Mind if I cut in?”

Adora jumped but her eyes lit up immediately the moment she recognized her. “You’re here!” she yelled and pulled her into a tight, brief hug.

“Yeah, figured I deserved some fun after finishing all my chores,” Catra said, hands lingering a few seconds on Adora’s hips when they pulled out of the embrace.

“That’s so good to hear!” Bow exclaimed. Catra wondered if he was already tipsy from just how peppy he sounded or if it naturally just dialed up even more with the party scene. Beside him, Glimmer was quiet observing her.

“Glimmer, this is Catra, remember?” Adora said with a flare of her hands to present her. Catra propped her hands on her hips with a crooked smile and winked as Adora added, “I think Angella still kept you under lock and key most of the time when she was in town.”

Glimmer didn’t look impressed like the other two had. Catra thought she actually looked rather judgmental from the way her eyes lingered on the boob window created by Catra’s low-cut halter top and black fishnet sleeves

“Oh, I know,” she deadpanned, “There’s not too many people who fit your description.”

Catra blinked. Did… Did she just get insulted?

“I’ll be back in a bit,” Glimmer said then, thumbing at the bar. “I’m gonna get another drink.”

“Uhh, I’ll come with you!” Bow said quickly, following her so close he almost stepped on her sparkly heels. He grimaced at Adora as he passed.

Catra laughed in disbelief, watching Glimmer’s progress through the crowd get marked only by Bow’s much taller presence. “Wow. Looks like she grew up more like Angella than Micah.”

Adora looked a little strained as she smiled, shrugging. “Don’t mind her. She’s been having some issues with her thesis group at school. It took forever getting her to agree to come out instead of spending the night yelling at them.”

 _Mmhmm, yeah, not my problem_. Catra turned a toothy smirk to Adora and held out an inviting hand. “So, what d’ya say?”

Adora took it, giggling, “Charmer.”

This time the wink she gave was directed at Adora, who (might have?) blushed as she pulled her deeper onto the dance floor. It was hard to tell in the dark. Not that she minded. The darkness combined with the chest thumping bass and booze coursing through her system made her feel the worst kind of reckless. She’d gotten into more than a few fights because of it and been kicked out of more bars than she cared to admit as a result.

The addictive thrill that tingled up her spine when she danced with Adora fueled her mood more than the alcohol. At first, she played around, noticing when the crowd pushed them closer, Adora’s shyness would peek through. To ease her mind, Catra just held Adora’s hands and simply pushed and pulled, twisting their bodies in beat to the music. During one particularly nasty song, Catra turned around and started grinding her ass against Adora’s front, making her squawk in surprise. When Adora started cackling and playing along, she knew she succeeded in breaking through her timidness.

Relaxed, Adora’s hands crept over the bare skin of Catra’s waist, slender fingers drumming along the curve of her belly. Catra reached back, cradling the back of Adora’s neck as they moved. Sparks seemed to fly between them, tripping up her pulse and shortening her breath. Adora dipped her head and Catra shivered from the hot puffs trailing across her neck.

Suddenly the position seemed too vulnerable. Catra grabbed Adora’s wrists and turned around without missing a beat, dropping several inches so that she was eye level with Adora’s generous bust. In a smooth, uninterrupted motion, she directed the other woman’s hands over her shoulders while she rose back up to her proper height in slow, rolling movements like a belly dancer. The entire time she held Adora’s gaze, watching those pale blue eyes crinkle first in worry and then widen in the terrified understanding that she was in over her head.

Catra could have purred, relishing in the control she felt returning. She kept leading their movements, her hands on Adora’s hips, and leaned forward to whisper, “Just follow me,” so close to Adora’s ear her lips brushed over the pale skin.

She felt Adora shudder along her whole body before doing as she bid, athletic body moving more lithely than Catra would have expected. The way their bodies moved together was so in sync it was hypnotic.

 _I want to kiss her,_ Catra realized as she breathed in the woman’s perfume, her nose tucked in against the curve of her jaw. _Actually_ kiss her. Not just give her a distracting, hurried peck.

Taste her and relish in her.

Adora’s fingers crept into her thick mane of hair, cradling the back of her head. Catra could feel Adora’s hot breath against her ear as she pulled back, fully intending on satisfying the urge, when she caught Adora’s eyes again and froze in her tracks.

Instead of the gentle pale blue she expected, they glowed cold and electric.

“Catra?” Adora called.

Catra blinked rapidly, leaning back and sucking in the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Adora tilted her head, brows furrowed in concern. Her eyes were back to normal, if they’d ever changed at all.

“Mmn. I’m fine.” She extricated herself from Adora’s grasp to avoid looking at her, instead making a show of looking out the window and fanning herself. “Sorry, I didn’t have much of a dinner before drinking. Rookie mistake.”

“Let’s go find Bow and Glimmer,” Adora suggested, slipping her hand into Catra’s. “There’s a place nearby we can get some food.”

They found the other two outside beneath one of the heat lamps. Glimmer’s new drink was almost empty and she actually smiled when they approached, though it wavered when her gaze flitted down to their clasped hands. To her credit, at least her smile stayed. Catra reflexively tightened her grip on Adora’s fingers. _What was it like to wear your heart on your sleeve like that?_

Adora ended up leading them to a tiny teriyaki place. The inside was cheery and, compared to the club, much quieter as they were able to hear each other talk without shouting. Refueled, Adora and Bow immediately suggested other bars to hit up, debating which one had better drinks or better music based on half remembered details (that may as well have been rumors at that point) from older kids and their parents. To her relief, it seemed like the longer the night went on and it became clear Catra was just along for the ride, the more Glimmer relaxed. Catra began to relax too, enough that they were able to have a rather animated discussion about tattoos when she spotted the wing tattoos across Glimmer’s shoulder blades.

At some point they ended up in a pub. They had hardly settled in five minutes before Adora and Bow got caught up in an impromptu dart throwing competition. It quickly bored her, so when she realized the shortest member of their entourage went missing Catra went hunting. She made two full circuits around the building before spotting Glimmer’s colorful hair peeking out between a couple patrons on the side patio area. _Ah, she must’ve gone out to get some air._

Catra re-evaluated when she slipped outside just in time to hear the tail end of a heated discussion over the phone. Something school related, she guessed, judging from the big scientific sounding words that easily flowed out of Glimmer’s mouth.

The moment the call ended, Glimmer stamped her foot on the ground with a loud, “Arrgh!”

It was probably because Catra had definitely imbibed in more drinks that, without a second thought, she swooped over to Glimmer and completely invaded her personal space by leaning on the shorter girl’s shoulder.

“Easy, Princess,” Catra drawled with a playful grin, “Let’s go back inside and have some more fun! Forget school a while longer.”

Glimmer stepped away and turned toward her with such a stormy look full of fury that Catra felt herself beginning to sober.

“Oh, yeah, ‘cause we should just forget about any and all responsibilities, right?”

Catra felt her jaw drop and her brain stutter, trying to catch up with the abrupt mood change.

“Uhm, ex- excuse me?” Her voice cracked in surprise.

Glimmer jabbed an accusatory finger at her. “Listen, not all of us can just _drop_ everything when we feel like it and do what we want!”

“…Okay, I take it we’re not talking about schoolwork anymore.”

Glimmer jumped on the opening and this time it was her invading Catra’s space. She stepped forward between Catra’s feet and poked that finger against her chest, voice lowered dangerously. “Adora and Bow might be willing to go back to how things were, but I’m watching you. They think you’re someone who just keeps having tragic shit happen to them and that you’re the same person who left, but I know better. You’re not the only one who had a tough life but you _are_ the one who decided to break the law and disappear without a word to anyone who cared about you!”

 _What-_ Catra stood there gaping like a fish, eyes squinted and brows furrowed. Her hands fisted at her sides, but before she could decide to start throwing hands, Adora and Bow burst through the doors with a plate of nachos.

“I won!” “Bow won!”

Catra and Glimmer jumped apart so fast it was like someone threw ice water on them. Bow and Adora looked between them, still grinning, but clearly confused.

Bow started talking first. “Did… Did something-“

“One of my project members is an idiot,” Glimmer said, looking straight at Catra and still just as angry as before. Catra bared her teeth instinctively. “So I need to go home and make sure they didn’t completely screw up our thesis.”

Adora gasped. “Oh, no! Glimmer, I’m so sorry.”

Bow passed the plate to Adora, phone already in hand. “Okay, I’ll call a cab and we can head out.”

“No, Bow,” Glimmer sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I’ll be fine. You’ve been working so hard you deserve a nice night out. I’ll just head home by myself. I’m all partied out anyway.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Don’t be so worried-“

“Fine, I’ll wait for the cab with you then at least.”

Glimmer let herself out through the side gate into the alley and Bow followed, his phone already at his ear. Catra could hear them bickering as they walked out to the street and out of sight.

How did Glimmer calm down so easily? It wasn’t fair. Catra’s hands were still fisted at her sides, shaking.

“Was that really about her project?” Adora asked. Catra looked down at her feet, huffing.

“Yeah,” she grumbled, “You heard her.”

“Uh huh.”

Catra nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt Adora bush over her whitened knuckles. The brunette took a deep breath, releasing it in a hiss between her teeth as she exhaled, and flexed her hands as she unclenched them.

“Let’s find a table to sit down,” Adora suggested. Catra nodded.

Ten minutes later Catra’s playful mood from before returned with good food and some water to clear her head. When Bow jogged back into view, Catra braced her hands on the table with a toothy grin. “YO! Celebration shots for the best boy!”

The night ended with a cab ride back to the cabin where she tripped her way up the porch stairs and into the living room. She didn’t even make it two feet after closing the door before passing out on the floor.

***

The next day Catra felt like she got run over by a bus. Then thrown in front of a train for good measure. A whole band of apes pounded on her temples and the sun spitefully blinded her by pouring in through all the windows.

She spat vindictive curses, rolling over to desperately tunnel her way into blissful darkness. She promptly rolled right off the couch and crashed onto the carpet with a wail. The jolt to her system immediately kickstarted her gag reflex and she took off running, crashing down the hallway into the bathroom where she upchucked everything left in her stomach into the toilet.

The next few hours were spent alternating between napping on the mat beside the bathtub and dry heaving over the toilet rim.

By the time she finally felt stable enough to shuffle out of the bathroom, it was the middle of the afternoon. Catra moaned quietly, blindly groping her way to the kitchen. She smelled coffee before she saw it. The woman paused right before turning the corner to peer unfocused at the tiny dining area. There was a mug of coffee sitting on the table next to a banana, a grilled cheese sandwich, and a glass of water with a post-it note stuck on the side.

_Good morning! Or afternoon- whenever you get out of the bathroom. I hope you don’t mind, but I made some food for you. There’s an Advil if you need it, but don’t take it unless you really need to._

_I’ll be back later to check in on you! You partied pretty hard last night._

_-Adora <3_

Ah, that explained how she ended up on the couch.

Catra squinted at the note, then back at the food. Sure enough, there was a napkin with a red pill gingerly sitting right on top.

Yeah, she needed it.

The food and coffee were cold, but helped her feel human again. She entertained the idea of working on the journal she’d picked out for all of two seconds before dismissing it. She was not in any sort of shape for that bullshit.

Maybe the ocean air will help her feel well enough to go back into town and pick up her bike.

The universe must’ve felt sorry for her. By the time she made herself ready to walk the beach, clouds had drifted in, dimming out the sun’s intensity and cooling the air. The sand was still toasty and felt good against the soles of her feet as she walked. Even luckier, she actually did feel much better after walking a bit. The queasiness had completely gone.

Periodically, along the surf, Catra’s attention was caught by something shiny glinting in the sun. Each time she went to investigate, she found pretty seashells or rocks. The best discovery, and the only one she kept, was a tiny pearl. It was while she was examining the tiny thing, ankle deep in the water, aviators sitting on top of her head, that she saw a huge, white tail between the waves. Only for a brief moment, but long enough for her to see it shine pink and gold.

Seized with an impulsive curiosity, she raced toward the one single dock on that particular stretch of beach. It had to be the same thing she saw with Bow. There couldn’t be that many creatures swimming around that looked like that.

The wooden planks sounded hollow as she ran to the end of the dock and turned toward the side closest to where she’d seen the fin appear between the waves. She jumped up on one of the pilings there, almost tripping over from her less than optimal sense of balance, and shaded her eyes again, searching the waters. A shadow bigger than she was darted through the water around to the other end of the dock. Catra quickly leapt back onto the dock and ran for the other end, kneeling at the edge so that she could peer into the water.

Nothing.

Catra clicked her tongue, disappointed, but her attention was quickly occupied by something else bobbing in the water. It was an off-white colored dry bag tied off to one of the moorings with a dark, thin rope.

“Huh.” She hauled it over to herself and sat down, legs dangling in the water. She’d barely even opened it when a head popped out of the water not two feet from her.

Catra screeched and nearly dropped the bag.

“Whoa, whoa, hey it’s just me!”

“Adora!” Catra covered her face, taking in a deep gasp before glaring at her. “Adora, what the _fuck?_ I almost died!”

Adora chuckled, but she looked ready to disappear back into the water, clearly abashed. “Sorry. I didn’t know how to get your attention.”

She pointed at the bag. “Um, that’s mine. Can you put it down and then, like, turn around?”

Catra immediately grew suspicious and looked into the bag.

It was clothes.

She looked back at Adora. The Pacific wasn’t exactly known for crystal clear waters but she could see enough to give her an idea of why Adora was up to her jaw in the water.

Catra smirked and folded herself over the bag in her lap. “Are you _skinny_ _dipping?”_

Adora blushed so violently her ears turned bright red and she lunged toward her.

Catra snatched her legs out of the water and danced away from the edge of the dock, holding the bag as high as she could.

“Nuh-uh! Finders keepers!” Catra cackled.

Adora swept a well-muscled arm through the water at her. “Catra, _c’mon!_ Don’t be such a jerk!”

The splash hit her toes and Catra scurried a couple feet to the left, still chortling. “I can’t believe it! And here I thought you were such a wholesome, small-town girl!”

She tilted her head inquisitively, looking more than a little like her namesake, and leaned toward Adora, toes folding over the edge. “Hey, you do any other kinky stuff?”

A jet of salt water hit her square in the face. Adora had taken both hands and positioned them at the surface of the water so that she could use them as a makeshift water-gun.

Catra sputtered and shook herself vigorously until her hair flew wildly every which way.

“ _Catra_ ,” Adora warned, right before she shot another jet of water at her.

“Okay, okay, okay!” Catra wiped her face on her arm without letting go of the bag. “Hold on. Let’s trade.”

Adora let out a childish groan and slapped the water. “Catra!”

“No, nonono! Hear me out, hear me out!” Catra slapped on her best car salesman grin and crouched down, angling her body so that the bag was still out of reach behind her hip. She took one hand and gestured between them, waggling her brow playfully with a conspirative air. “I have something you want. You have something I want.”

Adora rolled her eyes, drawing Catra’s attention to how the water darkened and spiked her eyelashes out to highlight the pretty blue color of her eyes.

After an exasperated sigh, Adora slicked her hair back off her face. “Fine, okay. What do you want?”

Catra waited a beat, gaze hungry as she just looked at her. Adora was, quite possibly, one of the most gorgeous women she’d ever seen. Here, wet from the ocean and shining in the sunlight, she was even prettier than in the club lit up by neon lights. Originally the idea she had in mind was just going to be another tease to get a reaction out of her and then she’d do what Adora asked. But the more she looked, _really_ looked, the more appealing the idea became in earnest.

They were attracted to each other- that much was obvious to anyone who had eyes. _So- so it wouldn’t be that out of left field, would it?_

Catra licked her lips. “Kiss me.”

The way Adora recoiled from the dock had her second-guessing immediately but she quashed the knee jerk reaction and told herself to wait it out.

_Just five seconds. Four seconds._

_Three._

_Two…_

She opened her mouth to laugh it off when Adora whispered, “Okay.”

Catra blinked in surprise, then stuttered out, “W-what?”

“Okay,” Adora said, more determined now, raising her brows to challenge her. “You get a kiss. I get my clothes.”

She pursed her lips with a single nod, looking anywhere but at Adora now. Something akin to panic fluttered in her chest and she didn’t like it one bit. _I don’t think I actually expected that to work_. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Adora swam up closer.

 _Goddamnit_.

Catra carefully set the bag down next to her before laying down on her stomach. She braced herself over the water, fingers digging into the wooden planks.

To distract herself from the sudden butterflies, Catra flashed a fanged smirk. “Ready?”

She watched Adora’s eyes dip briefly to her suddenly bared cleavage visible through the neck of her shirt before meeting her gaze. “Are you?”

Her blue and yellow eyes crinkled shut with her incredulous laugh. _This was ridiculous._

Before she could call it off, Adora cupped her face and kissed her.

Catra’s first impulse was to pull away from the water dripping down her cheeks and the cold mouth against her own. It died just as swiftly as it formed and Catra melted into the touch, warming Adora’s lips as she leaned into her.

Their lips parted with Adora’s breathy sigh and Catra made a strangled noise in the back of her throat. She reached out, cupping the back of Adora’s head to pull her closer and deepen their kiss. The salty flavor of the ocean clinging to Adora’s lips whet her appetite but when she finally tasted _Adora_ , she growled, suddenly voracious. She nipped and licked Adora’s upper lip, demanding entry. Adora whimpered in response.

Catra’s eyes opened a fraction. She could feel the wet woman surge up with the tide, one arm wrapping around Catra’s bare shoulders as leverage. The other hand scraped along her scalp through her thick hair. The sharp sting only stoked the fire building in her belly and her desires flared hotly at the peek of pale wet skin sliding out of the water. She was hardly even aware of how her core and arm muscles strained to keep both of them from plummeting into the ocean. It didn’t work. When the tide dropped, Catra did too, toppling right off the dock ass over teakettle into the briny waters.

The cold shock doused her desires quite handedly as she spun around in the water. She was probably only in the water for a few seconds but when she broke through the surface her gasp was so loud it was like she’d been under for minutes.

Next to her Adora sounded like she was peeing herself from how hard she was laughing.

“Alright, alright,” Catra griped, scrambling for the dock. “I guess I deserved that.”

“You _guess_?”

Catra rapid fire slapped at the wooden planks and piling until she found a stable handhold to haul herself half out of the water, shivering for all the wrong reasons when the wind blew up her shirt. “I’m not admitting any more than that!”

Adora helped push her the rest of the way up with the next tide surge, arms braced against her thigh and butt. “Yeah, this is called karma.”

“I get it!”

Once on dry land again, Catra pushed the bag to the edge of the dock and squelched her way over to the opposite end. Behind her she could hear Adora clamber up too and it took every effort not to turn around to watch. Catra stripped herself down to her underwear in order to wring herself out with chattering teeth.Then forced herself to stand with her legs and arms apart to let the wind air dry her limbs before pulling her shirt back on. Her jeans she left off. There was no way she was going to walk around with wet denim.

“Oi, Adora, you decent?” Catra called, giving her mane one last twist over the ocean.

“Yeah!” Her voice sounded weirdly pitched

Catra’s annoyance crumbled away when she turned around and saw Adora standing at the other end with her hands clasped together behind her back. She was rocking on the heels of her feet, looking up at the clouds. Her ears were still red. The corner of Catra’s mouth curled into a small smirk. Did she turn around while Catra was still mostly naked?

“Me too,” Catra said.

Adora turned and Catra watched with satisfaction when she immediately looked at Catra’s bare legs. The white-hot desire she’d felt earlier might have gone out with her unceremonious dunk, but she was still going to enjoy being looked at.

“What were you doing skinny dipping anyway?” Catra asked, walking over to her with a casual, rolling motion to her steps that drew attention to her hips.

Adora cleared her throat and closed the remaining distance between them at a light jog.

“I wanted to take a swim,” she replied, “Is your hangover gone now?”

“Thanks to your gentle, loving attention,” Catra teased, winking.

She watched Adora go through a whole cycle of building up her courage simply by the way her hand twitched, rose, and fell. When she reached for her hand, Catra let her take it and let her lead them back to the beach without saying anything about it. She focused on the urgent matter at hand. “Do you always swim naked?”

“Not always…”

Catra narrowed one eye at her, thoughtful. “Often enough that you have a dry bag stashed by the dock though? ‘Cause I’m assuming you stayed over last night and put me to bed instead of going home since I found breakfast and a note by you.”

“I like this area. It’s more… private.” Adora ducked her head, bashful again. The butterflies from before reappeared, making Catra look away, frowning. Maybe she was still a little bit hungover.

“Was that ok?”

“Yeah. It was… It was very nice of you. I appreciated it.” She squeezed their joined hands once. “It’d been a very long time since anyone’s done that for me.”

“You should get treated like that more often,” Adora murmured.

Catra cast her a sidelong glance. Was that supposed to be to herself? Catra wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.

“Anyway,” she said loudly, looking up at the cabin as she swung her damp shorts back and forth, “I’ll pay you back for the cab ride. I need to go pick up my bike before it gets ticketed.” 

Later, reunited with her motorcycle, Catra realized something important with a very loud, emphatic, “ _Fuck!”_

 _Hey, Adora,_ she texted later after going through the whole five stages of grief, _If you go skinny dipping near my cabin again let me know. Pretty sure I dropped my sunglasses into the fucking ocean._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a really fun time writing this chapter because I love hearing about people's drunk college stories and unfortunately had to cut pretty much everything I came up with for the sake of narrative pacing
> 
> For the best experience, imagine all of this with "Ayy Ladies ft. Tyga (Fraze Twerk Remix)" by Travis Porter playing in the background:  
> \- Awkward making nice conversation between Catra and Glimmer that leads to talking about Glimmer's wing tattoos and removed belly button piercing  
> -Blow job shots with Best Friend Squad; Bow wins (but Glimmer insists he only won because his mouth is bigger than her's so really she won because she had better technique)  
> \- Post celebration shots; drunk Bow and Catra cheering on equally drunk Adora in a push up competition where she has to balance a cup of beer on her back and the first person to spill loses  
> \- Catra doing bodyshots off of Adora  
> \- Bow serenading the cabs while they try to catch one to go home  
> \- The cabbie getting forced to pull over so Adora can throw up in a ditch (she got a head start on recovery which is why she doesn't seem hung over the next morning)  
> \- Bow making grilled cheese sandwiches in Catra's cabin at 2AM because he's the least drunk between him and Adora  
> \- Bow and Adora falling asleep on each other on the floor by the couch  
> \- Bow getting picked up by an exasperated Glimmer early in the morning so they could start driving back to campus  
> (In other news hoo boy season 5 sure was something huh?)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Mentions of past child abuse, previous self-harm, panic attacks, and almost drowning.
> 
> This chapter is particularly heavy in dealing with Catra's past and the way her trauma manifests in present day so please read with caution! 
> 
> Thanks to ChatteZi for offering to beta for me!

_Night after night Catra sits at her desk. She writes letters, page after page of letters. Some she folds up neatly into an envelope. Some she scratches at the words until they’re unreadable and throws in the trash. Still others she rips to shreds and shoves into a pile for burning._

_She does the same thing, night after night._

_Sometimes she’s long limbed and coltish, clumsy and awkward from a growth spurt. Sometimes she’s just shy of too skinny, but confident in her movements. Sometimes she’s grown into her body, the defined, lean muscle she’s developed giving her the air of a big cat confined in a too small cage._

_Sometimes she’s smiling, her words easily spilling out of her pen. Sometimes she’s sobbing, trying so desperately to keep quiet as she scratches letters she can barely see into the paper. Other times she sits there, still as a statue, unable to get any thoughts at all onto the paper in front of her._

_Every time it’s the same thing that always stopped her in her tracks._

_“I think I…” She stops, looks up._

_Adora is standing on the other side of the desk, back facing her. Catra stares._

_“Adora,” she says, and she’s eleven, her voice cracking. “I wanna tell you something but I’m scared.”_

_“Adora,” Catra says again, twelve now with tears in her eyes. “I didn’t get the chance to before we left.”_

_“Adora,” Catra says and she’s seventeen, tired beyond her years. “I wonder if it’s too late. It’s been so long.”_

_There’s a roaring sound, so faint she wonders if she actually hears it or if she feels it. Adora begins walking away._

_Catra stands, one hand reaching for her. An invisible wall stops her. “Adora, wait!”_

_She bangs against the force field and she’s nine, fourteen, sixteen._

_The roaring gets louder. Adora starts running._

_“Wait!” Her banging grows more distressed until she’s bringing both fists as hard as she can against the solid air. “Adora, wait! I need to tell you!”_

_There’s the sound of shattering glass and Catra is collapsed over the desk at twenty-two, bleeding from cuts on her hands and arms. It’s completely silent._

_Then she hears it, shuffling next to the desk in the dark._

_“You poor, misguided child,” a husky voice rasps._

_Beatrix leans over the desk and her long dark hair stretches up around her like shadowy tendrils._

_“Don’t you know? You’re unlovable.”_

***

There’d been a knot in her chest the past few days. She couldn’t stop thinking about Adora and she didn’t like the fact that she was both overjoyed and pissed at the same time.

It’d started because of one text- very short, very simple. It was buried between Entrapta’s usual rambling narratives and DT’ s snarky daily commentary about whatever drama they found themself in. Catra had been lounging in the hammock with her mother’s journal when she saw it.

_Adora: Can we talk?_

Any sun induced sleepiness vanished and she accidentally dumped herself out into the grass in her haste to get out. She needn’t have panicked, apparently, because there was nobody out in the front yard when she peeked over the gate.

She hated messages that started out like that. It never meant anything good.

She had a pretty good idea what Adora wanted to talk about; she would have to be a real fucking idiot if she didn’t. The other woman was so easy to read she might as well have had her thoughts stamped across that big forehead of her’s. 

Catra pressed the edge of her thumbnail between her brows, grimacing. _Shit._ Scorpia told her that that she flirted as easily as breathing and it was a truth she couldn’t deny. It was her go to weapon to get people to let down their guards or avoid something or someone she didn’t want to deal with. And ever since she came back to Brightmoon, well, the whole damn town was filled with things she didn’t want to deal with.

She shouldn’t have played with Adora as much as she did. It was just… too much fun to resist teasing her.

Adora was just so hot, and Catra loved being the cause of her cute, flustered reactions. And, yeah, she’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel some amount of petty satisfaction in being able to one-up her in something. As kids, Adora had always been the leader and the protector, ever since she introduced herself on the beach and dragged Catra’s eight-year-old self to go see some tide pools in an ill-advised attempt to get her to stop being scared of the ocean.

And… And she’d also be lying if she said the pettiness wasn’t bourne of the chip on her shoulder Catra never learned how to get over.

Adora had been her lifeline for so long, especially after her parent’s passing. In those following tumultuous years, Adora had been her biggest supporter- the person who was there to listen, to work on homework together, to let her cry on her shoulder, to go along with whatever crazy scheme she concocted even when it was clear she was doing it to act out. It’d been impossible not to fall in love with her best friend. Then Adora started getting busy with school and extracurricular clubs and sports and had all her own stresses from all those things and Catra…

Well, Catra couldn’t push all the shit she went through with Beatrix and her own bad decisions on Adora. There wasn’t anything a teenager could have done. Catra couldn’t bear the idea of hearing Adora (shining, golden-child, _perfect_ Adora) telling her that she was better off without a fuckup like Catra sticking to her side.

The silence that came with the move to San Diego had validated her worst fears. She’d spent eight years thinking Adora just forgot about her and Catra spent the whole time burying the entire mess of emotions she’d had in the very pit of her heart next to her parents.

_Can we talk?_

The question was just ambiguous enough that the insidious thing called hope bloomed in the grave of her emotions even as Catra shoveled more dirt on top of it. If she was being truthful, her old feelings for Adora had been resurfacing ever since Adora embraced her the first night she was back. Then it seemed like Adora returned at least some of it, even if it was just a physical attraction and a fondness for an old friend. Which just encouraged the cancerous hope to crawl back and Catra to keep pushing Adora’s boundaries.

 _Just like a real cat_ , she thought grimly, hugging her knees to her chest as she sat on the back stoop. It’d been three days since she received the text and she still hadn’t responded. W _hat’s going to happen if I keep toeing the line a little?_

 _Play dumb games, win dumb prizes_.

Adora had sent her more texts after that first day, even going as far as to call and leave voicemails. All boiled down to _I really want to talk to you please reply._

Catra did no such thing, actively holing herself up in the cabin- not even taking her daily walks along the beach.

The gravel in the driveway crunched and Catra shot to her feet, scrabbling over to the side gate. She stood on tip-toe to see over the fencing. Adora had just gotten out of her red sedan and was kicking the door shut, a shopping bag clenched in each fist. Her hair looked messier- the pompadour was completely gone and her bangs hung in her face, making her look fashionably disheveled. Adora’s ponytail swung wildly as she turned her head, meeting Catra’s mismatched eyes.

“Ah, _fuck_.” Catra ducked down from view, hands smoothing down her wild hair so that it didn’t stick up over the fencing.

“Catra, I already saw you!” Adora yelled, clearly exasperated.

“No one’s home!” Catra called back, slinking up over the railing to the back door.

She heard Adora give a very rare curse and, despite her predicament, smiled in amusement. When she poked her head out of the kitchen, Adora was waiting in front of the window, peering in with her hands cupping the sides of her face. She started knocking on it the moment she spotted Catra.

“Go away!” Catra hissed with a shooing motion.

Adora let out an audible groan, head dropping back between her shoulders. Her fingers twitched in the air from her annoyance. “You’ve been avoiding me for three days! I’m not leaving until we talk.”

Catra slinked out of the kitchen toward the shadowed hallway.

“What’re you gonna do? Hide in your empty bedroom?” Adora demanded, knocking again.

 _Shit_.

_..Still might be worth it._

“I brought food,” Adora said, holding the shopping bags up. “And I’ll seed you some pomegranates.”

Her stomach growled at the information. Catra arched backwards as she buried her face in her hands with a complaining whine.

One of the last things they did together as kids was eat pomegranates. Minutes after receiving her half, Catra covered her hands in sticky red juice because she was just too impatient to pluck the seeds out gently. She never bothered to spend time figuring out how to properly deseed to this day.

Next thing she knew, Adora was in her kitchen deseeding the red fruit in a bowl of water. Catra sat on the counter some feet away drinking a beer and struggling not to chug the entire thing in one go.

“So…” Adora started slowly. Her brows were bunched together in concentration.

“Bribe first,” Catra said around the bottleneck, voice echoing inside the glass. She stared up at the ceiling.

A sigh answered her.

Catra didn’t look down until Adora nudged her bare arm with a bowl. Inside were the promised seeds, bright red and glossy in the white kitchen light. Catra snatched up the bowl, hopped off the counter, and scurried over to the couch- somehow able to balance the bowl in the elbow of the same hand holding her beer, popping seeds into her mouth the whole way.

She was trying Adora’s patience. She could tell by the pitched sound Adora made in the back of her throat and knew she was likely digging her own grave the more she put things off. She couldn’t help it. Her nerves were singing and it was like there this high-pitched buzzing in her head setting off every single one of her alarms. At that moment, Catra knew that she was just as likely to punch Adora as she was to run away.

Which, of course, were not viable options.

So, Catra settled herself in on the far end of the couch with her back jammed right into the corner.

Adora followed not long after with more measured movements, eyeing her carefully as she sat in the armchair beside her.

“So,” Catra said, without looking up. She settled the bowl in her lap and her beer on the windowsill. “Start talking.”

Her fingers trembled so much it was hard to be gentle and she ended up squishing the seeds. Adora reached over and covered her hands after the sixth pop. Catra went still, eyes wide, breath stuck.

“Why are you so scared?” Adora whispered, running her thumbs over Catra’s knuckles.

The brunette forced herself to breathe and hoped the other wouldn’t notice how shallow it was.

“I’m not scared,” Catra scoffed, reaching for the anger that always simmered just below the surface. She finally met Adora’s eyes, her own annoyed and aloof.

Adora squeezed her hands before she could pull them away.

“You’re shaking, Catra,” Adora murmured.

A muscle in Catra’s jaw popped from how hard she clenched her teeth.

Adora tightened her grip and stiffened her arms, effectively ruining any attempt from Catra to flee and crushing more of the seeds.

“Please,” Adora said, leaning forward. She looked ready to cry, pale blue eyes stormy with clouds of confusion and concern. “Please, Catra, I’m sorry, whatever I did, I’m sorry. Please, just…. just _talk_ to me.”

Catra’s throat closed up. Over a decade’s worth of words battled each other to be said and she didn’t even know where to start. The only thing she was sure of, in that singular moment in time, was that Adora was so close she could make out the individual details of her eyelashes and the purplish smudge of sleepless nights beneath her eyes.

Adora had disappeared for so long, and now here she was. Right in front of her, flesh and blood. So close Catra could smell the scent of the ocean clinging to her skin.

She kissed her, desperate lips crashing over the ones in front of her. Adora’s arms went slack in surprise and Catra surged forward, knocking the bowl out of her lap onto the floor. She heard Adora whimper, felt her soft lips part beneath her’s, and Catra took full advantage. She slipped her tongue into Adora’s mouth and pushed her back against the armchair so she could straddle her lap. Catra’s weight on top of her seemed to kickstart Adora’s hands. She felt them on her waist first, hesitantly brushing over the hem of her tank top, then she felt Adora’s strong grip on her hips, squeezing once before smoothing up her sides to her arms.

Catra let out a sigh of satisfaction and Adora whined quietly in response. Catra dreamed of something similar for years, though they’d been fuzzy fantasies. After reuniting, she entertained short scenarios, never letting any really take shape past vague concepts. Her fantasies had never taken full shape until their kiss by the docks.

“Catra,” Adora gasped, squeezing her biceps. Catra trailed wet kisses over Adora’s chin and down her neck, leaving behind red marks on her fair skin as she went and adding sister smears when she cupped Adora’s cheek with one stained, possessive hand and its twin smoothed down to the base of her neck, thumb pressed right against Adora’s jackrabbiting pulse.

“Ah, Catra, _wait_ ,” Adora whimpered, but her head tilted to offer more room. The gesture triggered something in Catra and she huffed a growl. The hand that had been cradling Adora’s face slipped into her hair and tugged, forcibly pulling her head to the side. At the answering mewl, Catra nipped once at the soft patch of skin just beneath Adora’s jaw, licked the reddened spot, and then started sucking.

Adora moaned this time, her hands fisting into Catra’s tank top at her back. The sound shot a clear line of desire straight between Catra’s legs. The dark-haired woman pressed herself more fully against the solid body beneath her, hips rocking, wanting to feel all of her.

“Wait, wait!” Adora seized her by the shoulders and pushed.

Catra pulled back immediately, her eyes bright with lust, lips parted.

They both breathed heavily, chests heaving. The juice from the pomegranate seeds had seeped in everywhere they touched each other. On Adora, it’d smeared all over her mouth and neck and trailed into her hair, making her look like she'd gotten ravished by a vampire. Catra was sure she probably didn’t look much better. 

Complete confusion was plastered over Adora’s face. “What-“

“I think I loved you,” Catra blurted out in a whisper.

If possible, Adora’s eyes widened even more.

Panicked butterflies immediately flooded Catra’s chest and she scrambled off Adora. She almost fell in her haste, but played it off by twisting to kneel on the ground and clean up the seeds that fell to the floor.

She managed to get most of the seeds back into the bowl by the time Adora grabbed onto her wrists. Catra cringed, eyes squeezing shut. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but it wasn’t the tender kiss she received on her brow.

“Sit with me,” Adora said softly with an encouraging tug.

It took a couple more tugs before Catra let her direct them back on the couch. Catra watched Adora silently as she readjusted the pillows and safely placed the bowl away from them on the coffee table. The anxiety from before had calmed, but it wasn’t quite gone. She could feel it thrumming under her skin like a low electric buzz.

“C’mere,” Adora said once she was settled, opening her arms invitingly.

Hesitant, Catra leaned against her. Adora wrapped her left arm around Catra’s waist then curled up against her side.

“You _think_ you loved me?” Adora prompted softly, her cheek pillowed on Catra’s shoulder.

Catra shrugged, twiddling her thumbs in her lap. She felt too awkward to be comfortable. “It’s been a very long time since we were kids.”

Adora nodded and, seeing how she wasn’t leaving, Catra started relaxing, her breath leaving her in a slow exhale.

“I think I might’ve too,” Adora reminisced.

Catra shifted, staring down at her, warmth blooming in her belly. “Yeah?”

Adora’s lashes were lowered, but there was a faint smile on her face as she reached out with her right hand to interrupt Catra’s nervous fiddling. She laced their fingers together. “I remember almost telling you a couple times on the phone after you left the last time. But you always sounded so stressed out I didn’t want to, I dunno, make things worse.”

 _Just like me,_ Catra thought, dropping her head against the back of the couch. She laughed, but it sounded a little hollow. “Wow. I almost told you in some of my letters. “

“We’re morons,” Adora laughed softly. Catra smiled too, giggling under her breath.

“So, the silent treatment, all this-“ Adora gestured at the cabin, “What is this?”

“…Emotional constipation, I guess?” Catra stared at their reflection in the tv. They looked like a fucking mess. “There’s a decade’s worth of it. I got nervous so I just clenched all the way up.”

Adora wrinkled her nose and started laughing louder. “Ew!”

Catra directed a crooked grin at her and it felt more stable than she would’ve thought. “What? Am I wrong?”

“I guess not!” Adora shifted, gazing up at her. The stormy cast to her eyes had gone, replaced with something so soft it made Catra’s heart skip a beat.

“I can’t believe you don’t have a girlfriend,” Adora murmured.

Catra quickly latched onto the words and quirked her pierced brow, talking before she could stop herself, “What makes you think that? I’m pretty devious, you know. _And_ I’m smokin’ hot.”

Adora snorted, rolling her eyes. “I still know you well enough. You wouldn’t be behaving the way you do with me if you did.”

That warm feeling from earlier spread through her limbs and Catra could feel herself sinking into the couch.

“I’ve had girlfriends,” Catra murmured, leaning her cheek against the top of Adora’s head. “But they don’t last very long- not that it’s their fault.” And not that they didn’t try to make the relationship work. Scorpia was evidence enough of that. God knows the white-haired woman tried to make it work for way longer than she should’ve in the first place.

Adora was looking at their hands, turning them this way and that. Catra could tell she was trying to work her way up to say something.

Catra breathed in deep. “I can’t give you an answer.”

Adora jerked her gaze up, brow wrinkling.

“You wanted to ask about us, right?” Catra asked, tilting her head away from Adora as she watched her. “What’s happening between us? I can’t tell you. I don’t know.”

“Oh…” Adora looked away, lips pursed.

The buzzing was back, the anxious tension stretching out along her chest. Adora squeezed her hand, reassuringly, and the buzzing faded.

“That’s ok,” Adora, readjusting her cheek against Catra’s shoulder. “I think I know where we stand better than before.”

Her veins still thrummed, so Catra said, “I’ll answer one question though. Anything you want to know.”

Adora sat up now, eyes a little narrowed, a playfully suspicious smile on her face. “ _Anything?”_

Catra puffed her chest out and angled her chin boastfully. “Anything.”

“Okay.” Adora squinted at Catra’s arm, examining first the three tiger-like stripes on her upper arm then the two minimalistic dark brown bands that encircled her forearm just below her elbow. She laughed when Catra flexed for her.

“Why did you get this?” she asked, tracing two fingers along the length of the thicker top band. It was connected to the thinner bottom band by a series of lines, as if they were to be stitched together.

“It was after my last ex broke up with me,” Catra replied, watching her carefully, “To remind me to pull myself together.”

Adora met her gaze. “It looks like you’re holding yourself together pretty well.”

Touched, the edge of Catra’s mouth curled into a smile and she leaned in slowly to press a chaste kiss to Adora’s red smudged lips.

“We should get cleaned up,” Catra murmured, peering at her through her lashes after pulling back enough to speak. “You look like shit.”

Adora’s light eyes bulged with a scandalized gasp. Seconds later, Catra caught a pillow to the face and burst into peals of giggling as she continued to get assaulted on the couch.

“Help! Help!”

“You’re! So! Rude!” Adora yelled in mock outrage, trying to keep her laughter out of her voice and failing.

***

Adora ended up having to borrow some of Catra’s clothes while they laundered everything that had gotten stained by the pomegranate juice. It was hard not to stare. Adora was several inches taller, wider in the shoulders and bust, and altogether thicker around. So she ended up in one of Catra’s few loose crop-tops with the douchey armholes. It was the only choice left in order to not feel like a whole sausage in any of Catra’s other skin tight shirts.

Which meant, while the top was aesthetically short on Catra, it was dangerously short on Adora.

Like, skimpy short.

Like, _slutty_ short.

It didn’t help that the red devil wings printed on the front curved in a way that it emphasized Adora’s breasts way more than it ever did for Catra, on whom they just hung down and accentuated the rest of her rocker chick look. At any other point in time and on _anyone else_ Catra wouldn’t have even blinked. On _Adora_ , well, Catra felt Adora would’ve looked less promiscuous walking around topless in her bra.

It was just lucky that Catra ended up bringing the one pair of loose sweatpants she owned to Brightmoon. Otherwise the only bottoms Adora would’ve had to pick from were the men’s boxer-briefs Catra liked to sleep in when it was cold.

Adora reached up to grab something in the kitchen and the hem of her shirt rose up over her sensible pastel pink bra. Which, at this point, was anything but sensible with the way the counter and cabinets framed her torso like a stage.

Catra leaned forward over the journal in her hands, head tilting as if it would give her a better angle to see something. Adora came back down and Catra quickly ducked back behind the worn pages. She started tapping her pen against her notepad, as if that would sell the idea that she hadn’t been leering like a dirty old man.

“What’re you doing?”

“Um…” Catra felt the back of her neck prickle. _Shit, caught_. She peeked over the top of the journal innocently. “What d’you mean?”

Adora looked back at her from behind the steaming stove with a lopsided smile, her weight shifted so that one hip popped up higher than the other. Her eyebrows were angled in such a way that said she knew _exactly_ what Catra had been doing.

“The book,” Adora said, gesturing with the wooden spoon in her hand. “The notes. Are you studying for something?”

Relief rushed through her so fast she felt dizzy. “It’s my mom’s journal,” she said, turning it around to show the neat cursive. “I’ve been going through them and anything else my parents had to see if I could find anything interesting.”

“Did you?” Adora went back to whatever she was making. She’d mentioned what when she started but, clearly, Catra hadn’t paid attention. “Find something interesting, I mean?”

“Yeah, actually.” Catra placed the book down and leaned back so that she balanced on the back two legs of the chair, chuckling. “Some of the entries make it sound like there’s mermaids or some shit in Brightmoon.”

The sounds from the kitchen quieted. “ _Mermaids_?”

“Well, Mom’s only said the word mermaid a few times, and only when she mentions those old stories about Brightmoon mermaid sightings.” Catra twirled the pen she held between her fingers thoughtfully. “But she’ll talk about weird stuff they see or find in the water pretty frequently.”

Adora slipped out of the kitchen to lean against the counter, arms crossed over her chest. “Like what kind of weird?”

It was hard to read the expression on her face. Curious, maybe concerned? Catra raised her brows. “Like… weird shadows in the water, really bright scales in their nets. Sometimes they’ll see something following their boat that doesn’t act like a normal animal.”

She gestured up at the dark loft with a flippant wave of her hand. “Dad’s mentioned it a couple times too in his log books. It sounds like Mom was the one who was really starting to lean toward mermaids though. I dunno.”

“Well,” Adora said with an awkward laugh, contemplative with her thumb nail tapping her bottom lip, “It might be some undiscovered animal that’s only around here. There’s a reason why we have all those stories and why cryptid hunters like Seahawk have been coming by more often.”

Catra grinned, eyes bright. “That idiot’s a cryptid hunter?”

“He’s pretty loud about it if you ever let him get on the subject.” Adora scratched her head, making a few more strands of hair fall to frame her face. “How much have you gotten through?”

She seemed pretty into the subject. Did she also see something?

“It’s kind of slow going because Mom writes in shorthand a lot and I don’t remember enough to decipher it off the fly.” Adora looked up, impressed, and Catra dropped back down to sit properly, smirking. “But I figured out that if Mom mentions it in her journals either her or Dad will also record it in their logs too. I’ve cross checked a few of them and they always make sure to record it. It just takes time.”

That pride from before fluttered a little and Catra grimaced. “If I look at the logs too long my eyes start blurring because of all the math and science.”

“What do you think? You think they’re mermaids?”

“Bitch, I don’t know shit,” Catra said, rolling her eyes. “I didn’t do college for a reason. But, maybe? I dunno. I’ve seen some weird shit in the ocean since I came back.”

“Do you want some help?” Adora asked. Her eyes shined, eager. “I’m pretty good at picking up new things and I’m really good at note taking and organizing.”

After an offer like that, the idea of being cooped up in the cabin for long hours by herself again suddenly felt insufferable.

Lonely, Catra nodded with a shrug. “Sure.”

***

_“You stupid idiot,” hisses a dark voice in her ear. Catra sits at the counter that divides the kitchen from the rest of the dining room, her feet tightly hooked into the stool she’d chosen to perch on._

_Across from her Scorpia retells something that happened on campus. She’s younger here, probably barely twenty years old. She’s laughing boisterously, gesturing animatedly with her arm. Someone crashed into her? Catra can’t quite tell. She’s been focused on Entrapta as the purple-haired woman effortlessly readjusted the intricate gyros of Scorpia’s prosthetic._

_Everything sounds muffled. Entrapta’s answering cackle and questions. Scorpia’s responses. The beep of Entrapta’s weird calibration tool. The only thing she can hear clearly is Beatrix whispering in her ear._

_“Look what happened. What can you possibly do for her? You’re a high school dropout- a runaway that’s too stubborn to die. The only reason you’re even still alive is because another idiot took you in like a stray animal.”_

_Scorpia looks at her smiling and suddenly Catra stands in the living room with a somber Scorpia. There are tears rolling down Scorpia’s face and despite how tall she stands, she looks so small, as if she wants to crawl into herself._

_“I just- I don’t know what to do, wildcat.”_

_What was this conversation? Catra blinks and looks down at her hands. They’re younger, thinner. The black nailpolish was chipped and flaking and there’s no tattoos circling her forearms. Most prominently her knuckles are red and torn up._

_“Look what you did,” Beatrix says. The cold expanse of her freezes Catra’s whole back. “One of the only people in the whole world who cares about you and look what you did.”_

_“I would’ve been fine if you didn’t jump in!” Catra finds herself spitting, looking back at Scorpia. The step she took toward Scorpia rocked her vision. She must’ve been drinking. Was she in a fight? “If you just left me alone when I asked, I would’ve been fine and your hand wouldn’t be fucked up!”_

_“You think this is about my hand?” Scorpia demands, whipping her arms out to the sides. One of the prosthetics hangs loose and at the wrong angle. Did Catra do that? “You’re nineteen! You just got a job again! What’s going to happen if you ended up in a holding cell with a fake ID for starting a bar fight?”_

_“I would’ve figured it out!”_

_“Because you always have things figured out don’t you?” Beatrix muses. Wispy tendrils crawl over Catra’s shoulders, making her shiver. “Just like when you had no idea how you were going to eat and slept in the park.”_

_“Everyone, calm down, please,” Entrapta says from the hallway, nervous and on the verge of tears herself. “This isn’t helping anything.”_

_“You’re right!” Catra whirls on her now. “This isn’t and I don’t need either of you telling me what to do!”_

_Her foot flies out, kicking over the table. “You’re not my mother!”_

_The room goes silent, except for Beatrix cackling behind Catra._

_“You’re right,” Scorpia says, and there’s no light in her voice at all. “I love you, Catra, but I can’t keep watching you do this. I can’t keep watching you sabotage yourself like this. I can’t help you.”_

_The cold at Catra’s back encompasses her completely and she feels the ground cracking beneath her feet. She drops through the floor into a pitch-black sea._

_***_

They settled into a semblance of a routine over the next couple weeks. Technically, Adora was unemployed, but she had a surprising number of engagements during the day.

“Volunteer work,” she’d said when Catra asked. The volunteer work seemed to mostly involve working under Micah at the research center so Catra didn’t press for further details.

When Adora wasn’t there, she was running errands to help out her mothers. With Mara running the sheriff department and Hope running her consulting firm from their house, Adora had taken on much of the day to day chores.

Catra didn’t quite understand it, but there was a lot she didn’t get growing up the way she did so she just shrugged it off.

In the meantime, for the first time in weeks she finally felt like she had energy to burn. Energy that actually made her feel alive, that wasn’t the tense, jittery buzz beneath her skin that would pop up between the heavy, cloying molasses of depression. So, since she had her mornings and early afternoons clear, she took up working out again when she was just too restless to sit and stare at books and paperwork. Not even fitful sleep or her usual bad dreams seemed to put a damper on her mood.

Back in the city, Catra usually went rock climbing or bouldering to work out her aggression in addition to her usual gym visits. Considering that wasn’t really an option here, she made do setting up a makeshift floor area in the garage where she could do bodyweight drills in addition to running on the beach. Despite the obvious choice, Catra did not take advantage of the natural gym that was the ocean, still being wary of legitimately swimming in the ocean for any length of time.

She knew how to swim, of course, and she was actually a pretty strong swimmer. Her parents made sure of that after her near-death experience out in the ocean when she was eight. However, with the exception of her mishap the other day with Adora, the furthest she’d gone out into the tide in the past decade was up to her waist. Reading the journals and seeing all the notes about undercurrents and tide charts also did nothing to convince her to take up swimming as her daily cardio.

Adora would usually show up in the evenings. Sometimes she’d have food with her: leftovers from dinner with her moms or dessert. Sometimes they would make their own dinner, which almost always ended up taking way longer than it needed to because they would get distracted bantering or purposefully getting in each other’s way. Turned out Catra was actually the better chef between the two of them; Adora didn’t learn how to cook for herself until she left the dorms in college.

Other times Adora would arrive looking exhausted and distracted.

On those nights Catra would purposefully “forget” about the work they were supposed to be doing and instead spend the whole night getting her to laugh by snarking through the old movies they found in the cabin or by telling her stories about her misadventures from the past decade. Adora couldn’t seem to get enough of them, listening with rapt attention and peppering her with questions about whatever it was that caught her fancy. The other woman didn’t seem to have had much of a life outside of her academic career and the tiny area that was Brightmoon Bay.

Despite any distractions that appeared, between the two of them they got an astonishing amount of work done. True to her word, Adora picked up her mother’s shorthand quickly once Catra wrote down a cheat sheet for how it worked. And, unlike Catra, she understood all the jargon that peppered her parent’s writing.

The only hiccup that happened was when Adora was pouring over one of the log books for an unusually long time. Even then, it was more of an embarrassment on Adora’s part than Catra’s.

“Catra?” she finally asked, running her fingers through her hair in frustration. “Can you take a look at this? I dunno if maybe it’s just late or something but I can’t make head or tails of this section here from your dad.”

Catra peeked over her shoulder and started giggling.

“That’s not shorthand,” Catra said, “It’s Farsi.”

Adora flushed red, sinking into her chair. “Oh! Oh, I’m _so_ sorry- “ She was mortified, hands flapping a little in the air. “I thought- I didn’t even think-“

“It’s ok. I think he did that sometimes when he was too tired to write in English and sometimes to make my mom mad since she was born in the States and couldn’t read it. Look-“ Catra opened up one of her mother’s log books and set it on top of the one Adora was working on. “Here, see?”

She pointed out a page where her father’s bold strokes stood out next to her mother’s cursive. He’d taken over an area of the page and filled the whole thing. Beside it, her mother had drawn an arrow pointing at it and wrote, _This better be saying I’m the most beautiful woman you ever met and you don’t deserve me._ Next to the cursive, Catra’s father had drawn a winky face.

Adora took a look and started laughing too. “Is it what he said?”

“Not a fucking clue,” Catra said, closing the book with another laugh, “I’m illiterate, just like my mom. I’d only just started to get a hang of the alphabet when they passed away and I don’t remember enough to speak it anymore.”

Adora didn’t laugh at that. She kind of looked a little queasy.

“It’s ok,” Catra said, poking the spot in Adora’s cheek that dimpled when she smiled. “You can laugh. It’s a joke.”

Adora made an awkward sounding chuckle, which made Catra grin and kiss her.

***

By the time the end of the second week came around, Catra had a more complete picture of her parents than she’d ever had before. In her memories she only remembered that they loved their work and their community. She remembered that only her mother had been close to her parents and that they’d passed when Catra was still a toddler. There had been some drama that happened with her father’s family and he was estranged from them. So, with the both of them pretty isolated from any familial relationships, they’d created a new family with their friends, of whom Beatrix was basically an aunt. The thing that Catra never figured out was what on earth Beatrix could have possibly done to have gotten so close to her parents that she’d been named Catra’s godmother.

According to her mother’s journals and some of the letters and keepsakes they found in the loft, Beatrix had been both mentor and older sister. She was a brilliant scientist and an even better politician. Her parents leaned heavily on her expertise, especially when they started to move toward lobbying for better legislation and funding for climate change research. They were so successful gaining momentum and support that, apparently, they became threats.

The closer Adora and Catra got to the end of the latest logs and journals, the more instances of intimidation and outright threats they found. There were even some events Catra recalled after reading, memories that she’d forgotten or brushed away.

They hit the jackpot when they found a dusty old box that had been hidden under a pile of charts and figures.

When they found it, Adora immediately started looking up locksmiths on the new internet Catra finally got around to installing in the cabin. Instead of helping, Catra carefully examined the box, debating on if it would be worth it to break open in the backyard. Eventually she clambered down the stairs and out into the garage. A few minutes later, she was kneeling in front of the box on the table with a stiletto switchblade in one hand and a stiff looking wire in the other.

Adora frowned. “What’re you-“

Catra shushed her impatiently as she stuck both into the keyhole with practiced ease. Seconds later, the lid popped up with a click.

“There. Saved us, like, $50,” Catra said, already opening the box as she returned Adora’s critical stare with a mischievous wink. Feeling the waves of disapproval, Catra groaned. “Stop that. Technically, I own this.”

“I’m not gonna ask how you knew how to do that so well,” Adora said, every inch a sheriff’s daughter, and leaned in to peek into the box. “So, what’s in it?”

Turned out the box was full of files that contained letters, police documents, some restraining orders, and a blank faced brown notebook.

Adora had insisted they stop there, considering the time, and get some sleep. When she arrived the next night, she brought with her a pink and white duffle and a sleeping bag.

Despite her eagerness to get back to working, Catra had to take a second to remark on it. “Just what do you think you’re doing with those? I didn’t say you could stay over.”

Adora smirked at her. “Like you’re not happy I’m actually going to spend the night tonight.”

Which was true- there were multiple times when Adora had stayed so late Hope had to call her to see where she was and remind her to come home.

The unboxed letters ended up being hate mail Catra’s parents had received for their work and activism. The police files? Her parents had reported the more aggressive letter writers. The restraining orders were for the most threatening, particularly the ones that had mentioned Catra by name. By the time they’d sorted through all the loose paper, Catra’s good mood from the past couple weeks had vanished.

Adora appraised her carefully as she sorted the papers back into their proper files. “We can stop for tonight,” she said quietly. “Maybe watch something online?”

“No,” Catra said, scowling, reaching for the notebook. “I feel like we’re finally fucking getting somewhere.”

Catra’s hand came back with an extra police file hanging precariously between her fingers under the notebook.

Adora caught it when it fell and flipped it open.

“What is it?” Catra asked, setting the notebook down.

She didn’t get an answer at first. Adora just stared at whatever it was, stricken. When Catra leaned over to see for herself, Adora moved away, holding the file to her chest.

“Catra, I’m not sure-“

Catra scowled and snatched it out of her hands.

It was a police report with a photo clipped to the front page. A photo that contained the totaled remains of Catra’s childhood family car. Ice ran down Catra’s spine and she bent forward, reading in a frenzy.

She’d only been told that the crash that killed her parents had been a tragic accident. The report had been less sure. Of particular note was one underlined detail- the cause of the crash: a torn brake line. The investigation team had been unable to determine if it had simply worn from normal wear and tear or more sinisterly, intentionally cut.

The pages after that were her parents’ autopsy reports. Before she could start reading them, Adora covered the pages with her hand.

“I think it might be a good idea if I read those first,” Adora murmured. Catra turned a withering glare to her, but Adora didn’t back down.

“They’re _my_ parents, Adora,” she growled. There was a faint roaring in her ears. That familiar thrumming was back under her skin, threatening to tear itself out.

“I know,” Adora said and, at that moment, Catra hated her. Hated her with every fiber of her being. Hated that protective instinct behind those pale blue eyes and the way she so sincerely cared. “And you’ve been through more than anyone should in a lifetime. Let me help you with this so that you don’t have to go in blind.”

She hated how reasonable she sounded, how earnest her whole demeanor was. Catra would have snarled at her if she could, shoved Adora down and run off to barricade herself alone with the file somewhere. She could feel the instinct come through, heat building in her veins.

Adora reached up, cupping Catra’s cheek with such a tender, cool touch the rage that so quickly rose evaporated.

“Please,” she whispered, “Let me do this for you.”

Catra breathed out slowly through her teeth, eyes closing as she tried to ease her body out of the enraged stiffness that had permeated her being. “Fine,” she whispered through clenched teeth. “Fine.”

She pressed the file into Adora’s hands and turned away, actively bristling as she focused on the remaining item from the box.

Why would this journal be separated from the others? Was it added by her mother with the restraining orders? Or maybe by Beatrix when she added the accident report? Was there something in this particular journal that was linked with the crash?

Catra flipped open to the first page and didn’t even register the words before she’d thrown the journal across the room. By the time Adora registered the _BANG_ of the journal hitting the bookshelf, Catra was gone from the loft.

***

Catra found herself in the bathroom, curled into the corner by the tub with her arms covering her head and her face buried into her knees. She couldn’t stop shaking. She’d broken into a cold sweat and she was hyperventilating.

She could hear her.

Beatrix.

The woman whispered in her ear, just as clearly as if she was still alive. Screamed at her. Hurling insults and threats. Lightning arched across her nerves. Her skin was too tight and her chest was on fire.

“Catra?” It was Adora, knocking on the bathroom door.

“Go away,” Catra croaked, unmoving.

The door handle jiggled, then Adora knocked again. “Catra, it’s only me out here. Please, can I come in?”

“Go away!” Catra said again, curling in even tighter.

Silence, but Catra didn’t ease up from her protective ball. At some point the door handle rattled again, quieter than before, and then clicked softly. She whimpered, biting her lip so hard she could taste blood.

There was no _boom_ of the door slamming the wall when it finally opened. Just a quiet _ssh_ , and then Catra felt a warm body sit down next to her, close enough without touching her.

“It’s just me,” the young woman whispered. “It’s Adora.”

When Catra didn’t lash out at her immediately, she felt Adora gingerly rest her hand across the back of her shoulders, testing the waters. With no rejection, Adora starting rubbing her back slowly, fingers moving in small, soothing circles.

The silence dragged on, interrupted only by the quiet hiccups that barely managed to make it through Catra’s windpipe. Adora didn’t speak again until the sniffling quieted and Catra’s breathing evened out. Beatrix’s voice faded as well, just echoes of its former intensity.

“You don’t need to tell me what happened,” Adora said in that same, soft voice from before, as if speaking too loudly would break the world, “You don’t even need to say anything. But, if you want to talk about it, I’m here to listen. If you don’t want to talk to me, I can help find someone else who you’ll feel more comfortable with.”

“What’s the use of talking?” Catra rasped, voice muffled by the circle of her arms. _It’d never helped me before._

“I’ve learned,” Adora said slowly, each word measured, “I’ve learned from my therapist that it helps relieve the soul.”

That admission finally got Catra to lift her head up and she looked at Adora with doubt.

“You?” Catra scoffed, “You’re so _perfect_ , why would you need a therapist?”

Instead of taking offense, as Catra undoubtedly would have, Adora tilted her head with a small, secretive smile. “Everyone needs someone to listen to them.”

She reached out and her normally cool palm felt comfortingly chilly against Catra’s tear-stained cheek. Catra leaned into the touch, eyes squeezing shut from gratification, and heard Adora give the softest of sighs. “Sometimes you’re too close to the problem to see it in front of your face. Or too lost in the thicket to see the way out.”

Guilt wiggled in the back of Catra’s throat and for once she was speechless. She turned her head away, suddenly too ashamed to take Adora’s offered comfort.

Adora took the action gracefully and stood up. Catra heard the sink run for a little bit before shutting off. When Adora came back, she kneeled next to Catra and lightly dabbed a cold, damp cloth against her face. Catra squinted her eyes and let her, unwilling to move away but also unwilling to accept the comfort completely. Adora pretended she didn’t notice her watching, working diligently until Catra’s face and neck were cleaned of tears and sweat.

Afterwards, as they made their way through the hallway to the living room, Adora asked, “Do you still want me to stay the night?”

Catra nodded stiffly, lips thinning in distaste at the thought of spending the night alone with the heavy presence upstairs.

“Okay.” Adora moved to the video cabinet, flashing an encouraging smile over her shoulder. “Let’s watch something. You have a preference?”

The look in Adora’s eyes was so hopeful Catra managed to rouse herself enough to think. “ _Anastasia.”_

“Oh! Good choice, I haven’t seen that one in _ages_ ,” Adora said, snatching the VHS up with a deft hand. She started talking about the last time she’d watched it as she got the video ready. Catra stopped paying full attention and turned to her saddlebag that, despite having been at the cabin for almost a month, she was still living out of.

She started changing with her back turned, one ear half-cocked in Adora’s direction only so that she could hear if something got directed at her. Adora stopped talking at some point before Catra turned back around, dressed in a pair of black boxer-briefs and an old sports bra that had lost most of its compression. Adora’s cheeks turned faintly pink and Catra raised her eyebrows in question, arms crossing over her chest. This was hardly her sexiest outfit and after what just happened, she doubted her puffy face and swollen eyes were very sexy either.

“Yes?”

“Nuh-Nothing,” Adora replied quickly, scurrying to her own duffle to quickly change into a tank top and a pair of white shorts.

Catra scrunched her face up when Adora came over to the pull-out with her sleeping bag in hand. “What’re you gonna do with that?”

“Uhm… sleep?”

Catra snorted and pulled up the blanket she’d tucked herself under. “Get in here.”

Adora lingered at the edge, still clutching the rolled up sleeping bag like a lifeline. “Are you sure?”

Catra rolled her eyes. “I know I just had a panic attack but I’m not that fragile. _C’mere_.”

She barely waited for Adora to settle in before bullying her way into her personal space and make herself comfortable. Situated, Catra let out a sound of complete contentment before saying, “Okay, now you can start the movie.”

Later, as they lay curled up against each other in the dark, Adora stroked Catra’s arm gently. The gesture was calming and Catra was half asleep when she heard Adora murmur, “What are these?”

Her fingertips had narrowed in on the tattoos of Catra’s upper arm. She knew what Adora was asking about. It was the thin, raised welts hidden beneath the dark ink. Some of the marks were straight, others cross-hatched. All of them were from the same thing: a thin metal blade.

“Tiger stripes,” Catra replied, voice barely a whisper. She slurred her words, feigning sleepiness.

It wasn’t the answer to Adora’s real question, but she accepted it nonetheless. Catra felt her scooch forward, close enough that Catra could feel the rhythm of Adora’s heart against her back.

“Why tiger stripes?”

“Makes me feel brave.”

There’s a pregnant pause as Adora traced the length of the tattoos, going from one to the next until she’d traced all three. Catra felt her shift again and Adora’s warm lips pressed against her arm, lingering over the scar tissue.

“You’re the bravest person I know.”

***

Catra slept without bad dreams. She didn’t even remember if she dreamt at all that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry this chapter took longer than expected to get out. The past month's been very hectic.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first ever fanfic I'll do my best to keep you entertained
> 
> Check out some concept art on my Twitter!  
> https://twitter.com/TheMaggiezine
> 
> I also have a Spotify playlist for the fic because I got pretty deeply obsessed for about a week while I wrote the first 25K words  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1YAlp17kLQAiWBG60hFeTU?si=JtlH_cxJQT2k8CvZlsyxnQ


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